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Me and Yoda VS. FireMan - A Bet I Will Win

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I was texting with a friend yesterday. This friend? Oh, he's a guy. He's hot. I've know him since we were 14 or so and we flirt a lot but we haven't and will most likely never date.

He and I have a weird relationship for a guy and girl. He knows EVERYTHING about me. When I say everything, I mean that there's no subject that's taboo with him. He works in the medical field and so I have asked him advice in all sorts of areas. Let's just say that for a guy he really understands a woman's body and isn't embarrassed to discuss anything I'm concerned about. Plus, he gives me life and dating advice. Sometimes he even gives me assignments to complete.

For example, one day I was complaining that I didn't have any friends and that it was hard to meet people because I'm shy. He made me promise him that I would strike up conversations with at least 5 random strangers that day. I did it because he always has my best interests at heart.

He's like Yoda, too. The two of them remind me a lot of each other, only Yoda is a lot more fit. But this friend is a lot more fun to flirt with. He really boosts my self-esteem. He's always telling me that I'm awesome and sexy. So really, I have no problem keeping in touch with him even though he lives 14 hours away. Oh, plus he used to be a fireman, which is totally hot (no pun intended).

Anyway, before I got sidetracked about how awesome FireMan is, I was texting him. I had mentioned how I was frustrated with my lack of motivation and results in the weight loss department. He told me to work harder (which is what he always says). Then the subject got changed.

Probably an hour later he casually mentioned that he was going to try to lose 20-30 pounds and get back in better shape. Looking back on it, I totally think that he set me up because he knows how I think. Immediately I was thinking about competition.

You see, I'm odd. Tell me to lose weight because I'll be healthier and happier and I will totally agree with you. I'll even work out harder. But bring out the competitive side in me and it will light a fire for me that nothing can put out.

So I told him what he always tells me - work hard and do it then. He just laughed and then I sent him a text that just popped into my head.

"I bet I can lose 20 pounds faster than you."

Yes, when I text I tend to use proper english and punctuation. You will VERY seldom see chatspeak from my fingers.

Then he asked what the bet was. I thought about it and replied that the first person to lose 20 pounds wins. It starts today. No cheating.

So of course he asked what the winner would get. Normally I'd be all flirty, but I knew that this is something I need to be serious about. I couldn't think of one non-flirty reward. My reply?

"I don't know - what do you want to give me when I win?"

He replied back with a lot of laughter and said that there was no way I could beat him. I (of course) replied that I've been working on this longer and already know what works and what doesn't work and that on top of that I have a RockStar personal trainer.

You know what he said??? He said that no only could he win, but that he could do it "faster, easier, and with better style".

AND THEN HE SAID THAT MY TRAINER WAS OVERRATED AND WOULD HAVE NO IMPACT.

He DISSED Yoda.

You all know that I think Yoda is a RockStar and that there's nothing I can't do with his help. So when FireMan dissed Yoda, I immediately went on the defensive.

I bet him $40 ($2 per pound) that I could lose it faster than he could.

So we have a bet. Of course, I immediately texted Yoda and told him about the bet. His response?

"Oh snap! U got this:)"

Yeah. Yoda is an advocate of chatspeak and decades old catchphrases. He once tried to get people to start saying "awesomefish" about things that were awesome. When he told me to join in and help him get people on board with that, I rolled my eyes and mocked him. He hasn't said it since.

So I told him my concerns. FireMan is a guy. That gives him an advantage. Yoda said that it wasn't true that guys have an easier time losing weight. I've seen The Biggest Loser, though, so I think he just might be trying to keep my motivation up.

I went to the gym after work and Yoda was at his desk. Sometimes I like to sneak up on him and startle him, but he saw me out of the corner of his eye, high-fived me, and told me to get to work.

He says that we're going to win.

I told him what FireMan said about trainers and Yoda said that he's just trying to get into my head. Yoda's right.

FireMan knows pretty close to everything about me. He knew that competition would get my motivation to skyrocket. He knew that if he said something about my trainer, I'd obsess about it.

But there's something that he doesn't know.

I'm going to win.

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