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Daffynitions

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

ASSASSINATE: A hired killer finished lunch
COFFEE: Break fluid
NEUROSIS: Fresh flowers
CONSULTANT: Ask your mother’s sister for advice
NAUGHTY: Water, coke, or milk
WITHDRAWAL: How people in Texas talk
SHOTGUN WEDDING: A case of wife or death
ARGUMENT: A discussion that occurs when you’re right but your opponent just hasn’t realized it yet.
PATIENCE: The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
JURY: A group chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
EXPERIENCE: Recognizing a mistake when you’ve made it once again.
ADMIRATION: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
DRUG: A substance that, when injected into a rat, produces a scientific paper.
JUSTICE: A decision in your favor.
LAWYER: The larval stage of politicians.
LIBERAL: Too poor to be a capitalist, too rich to be a Communist.
PARANOID: Someone who just figured out what’s going on.
POLITICALLY CORRECT: Always having to say you’re sorry.
LOGIC: The art of being wrong with confidence.
MAINTENANCE FREE: Impossible to fix.
COMPUTER: A device designed to speed up and automate errors.
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