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Top 10 List--What I Hated Most about Being FAT!

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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Just like David Letterman, we'll count down!

10. I hated not being able to wear anything that was stylish, and if I did find something I thought was stylish, I still looked like a BIG FAT BLOB in it. The only place I could shop was the Large Size catalogs, even the Lane Bryant stores didn't carry much in my size--5X!

9. I never wanted to go anywhere, in case I might see someone I knew. I missed my 20th high school reunion, after I had been the chairman of the committee who planned it, simply because I didn't want to be seen by old classmates. I told everyone I was sick.

8. I never wanted to go anywhere because of the fear that I would not be able to fit in a theater seat or through a narrow aisle or walkway or manage to get through a turn-style or be able to walk up bleacher or other stairs. There was always a fear of an unknown situation, fear that it could lead to being embarrassed because I WAS SO FAT!

7. Doctor visits were so painful. Gowns didn't fit, examining tables were too narrow, blood pressure cuffs didn't fit, it was impossible to find a vein to get blood, because of my FAT arms. That doesn't even take into account the doctor's disapproving attitude and what I felt was his disgust over my inability to get my weight under control.

6. Lack of energy to do anything. My son started doing all our laundry, and hubby helped a lot around the house. About all I could manage to do was the cooking and clean-up afterwards. Even that was overwhelming.

5. I did not visit my son's schools or partake in other activities as they were growing up, for fear the other children would make comments, embarrassing both me and my sons.

4. My complete lack of self-confidence. It affected every facet of my life. I did not pursue a teaching career after college, or even an advancement in the job I did manage to get, because I did not feel worthy, and knew my weight would just hold me back. I have been under-employed and underpaid for 35 years in my current position--all attributable to my obesity!

3. My health was suffering...I knew it...and yet could not find the motivation I needed to change for so many years. I had high blood pressure, my joints were deteriorating, my blood sugar was borderline high indicating pre-diabetes, and I have a bad health history with a maternal grandmother dying of a strike at 62 and my own mother passing away of a sudden heart attack at 65, and neither of them was even overweight!

2. My mobility was so limited. I knew I was facing a future that would probably include a walker and eventually a wheelchair because it was so difficult to WALK! Believe me, when walking is difficult, you stay home most of the time!

1. The knowledge that my condition was due to nothing but my inability to get my eating under control. I was the cause of everything that was wrong with me and had only myself to blame. The embarrassment and shame of that knowledge was truly overwhelming.

Tomorrow--My Top 10 List of the BEST Things About Being THIN!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
TURNINGTABLES21 6/14/2012 8:27AM

  Agree with you 100% emoticon

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GRAMPIAN 6/14/2012 6:29AM

  Thank you for your interesting blog.

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RELLINGS 6/14/2012 6:14AM

    It sounds like your confidence has improved dramatically. Great Job!!!

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NEWTINK 6/14/2012 6:11AM

    It is amazing that even though we lose weight we never lose the effects that it has on us. You have come so very far Congratulations emoticon

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SUSANK16 6/14/2012 4:49AM

  yup -- with you totaly on this.

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NCSUE0514 6/14/2012 4:49AM

    Thanks for your post.

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LINDAK25 6/14/2012 3:56AM

    This list is so familiar!

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ERIGUST 6/14/2012 3:03AM

    This is so beautifully written and totally broke my heart. A reminder of why we need to have compassion for people who suffer with obesity. Food addiction is just an addiction like all the rest, it's just a lot more obvious to the world. I hate all the shame and pain that you suffered but I imagine life at that size would be so difficult. I'm sure I would feel the same way. I felt shame at a much smaller size, but I just ignored it and tried to avoid mirrors. It's an awful thing to have such negative feelings about yourself. I'm so pleased you are in a happier place, much love to you. You deserve it at any size.

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 6/14/2012 1:39AM

    This would pretty much be my list, too! I so "get it"! Unless you are morbidly obese (it sounds like what it is, doesn't it?) you would not understand what a true handicap it is! I am half way there and it has already made a big difference. I so look forward to getting there! You are a true inspiration!
Love & Hugs!
Mary emoticon

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SLFGOLF 6/14/2012 1:00AM

    I can relate to many of those on your list, especially with not wanting others to see me. Great blog!

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REXTINE1 6/13/2012 9:38PM

    I had some of your problems - only 3XL shirts - but pain was my motivater to get started. When my right knee hurt too much to even sleep, and research said only one thing was sure to help (losing weight) I finally got the message.

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SNOWANGELDIVA 6/13/2012 8:47PM

    I'm not familiar with all of the challenges, but, the shame, sadness and addiction I understand.
I am so happy for you that you're taking care of yourself.

Well done!

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OPTIMIST1948 6/13/2012 8:36PM

    I love this blog. What a way to come out of your chrysalis butterfly!

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TERRYT55 6/13/2012 7:26PM

    Oh, Pam, I LOVE your list. I wish I wrote as well as you do.......but since you made this list I don't have to. I'll just steal yours emoticon

I did participate in my kids school and and after school activities but otherwise I could have written the same list.

"The embarrassment and shame of that knowledge was truly overwhelming. " This comment really hit home with me. When I see old pictures of myself I still want to sink into the floor with shame. How could I do that to my family? To myself?

I'm happy we are both healthy and have shed the weight.

Take care and thanks for the great blog

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ZANNBEE 6/13/2012 4:49PM

    Love this list. I too can't wait for the next one!

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JLMALLETTE 6/13/2012 3:45PM

    This is great and I can't wait to read the next one.

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CINDYSDAY 6/13/2012 3:32PM


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ADRIENALINE 6/13/2012 3:23PM

    I've never been THAT heavy luckily but it gives so much to be thankful for. Thanks for putting it all in perspective.

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STRIVER57 6/13/2012 2:47PM

    and now you've beat it! good for you!

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OLDERDANDRT 6/13/2012 2:39PM

    Great blog! Looking forward to your top 10 list of the best things about being thin!!! emoticon emoticon

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SAL2525 6/13/2012 2:30PM

    I can't wait to see tomorrows list! Sal WOW

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SWEDE_SU 6/13/2012 1:41PM

    you have come so far from the sad person who dealt with that list. looking forward to tomorrow's list!

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CANNIE50 6/13/2012 1:00PM

    This list made me sad on your behalf, but, of course, I am also so glad that you have escaped obesity through hard work and determination and commitment.

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LM2760 6/13/2012 12:52PM


hi pretty much my list to. but i do not have children.


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TEDDYBEARGIRL 6/13/2012 12:51PM

    HEY you were reading my list LOL LOL....well except for the parts of kids and hudband as I have neither one so things around my house just did not get done as i had no one to do them for me LOL

But wow out lists are pretty much the same.

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FRENCHMARKET 6/13/2012 12:40PM

    Wow, such an honest and inspiring blog!!! Thank you for sharing this with all of us emoticon

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PRINCESS1959 6/13/2012 12:37PM


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MELINDAKAYE2 6/13/2012 12:34PM

    Can't wait for tomorrows list!!

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