Just like David Letterman, we'll count down!
10. I hated not being able to wear anything that was stylish, and if I did find something I thought was stylish, I still looked like a BIG FAT BLOB in it. The only place I could shop was the Large Size catalogs, even the Lane Bryant stores didn't carry much in my size--5X!
9. I never wanted to go anywhere, in case I might see someone I knew. I missed my 20th high school reunion, after I had been the chairman of the committee who planned it, simply because I didn't want to be seen by old classmates. I told everyone I was sick.
8. I never wanted to go anywhere because of the fear that I would not be able to fit in a theater seat or through a narrow aisle or walkway or manage to get through a turn-style or be able to walk up bleacher or other stairs. There was always a fear of an unknown situation, fear that it could lead to being embarrassed because I WAS SO FAT!
7. Doctor visits were so painful. Gowns didn't fit, examining tables were too narrow, blood pressure cuffs didn't fit, it was impossible to find a vein to get blood, because of my FAT arms. That doesn't even take into account the doctor's disapproving attitude and what I felt was his disgust over my inability to get my weight under control.
6. Lack of energy to do anything. My son started doing all our laundry, and hubby helped a lot around the house. About all I could manage to do was the cooking and clean-up afterwards. Even that was overwhelming.
5. I did not visit my son's schools or partake in other activities as they were growing up, for fear the other children would make comments, embarrassing both me and my sons.
4. My complete lack of self-confidence. It affected every facet of my life. I did not pursue a teaching career after college, or even an advancement in the job I did manage to get, because I did not feel worthy, and knew my weight would just hold me back. I have been under-employed and underpaid for 35 years in my current position--all attributable to my obesity!
3. My health was suffering...I knew it...and yet could not find the motivation I needed to change for so many years. I had high blood pressure, my joints were deteriorating, my blood sugar was borderline high indicating pre-diabetes, and I have a bad health history with a maternal grandmother dying of a strike at 62 and my own mother passing away of a sudden heart attack at 65, and neither of them was even overweight!
2. My mobility was so limited. I knew I was facing a future that would probably include a walker and eventually a wheelchair because it was so difficult to WALK! Believe me, when walking is difficult, you stay home most of the time!
1. The knowledge that my condition was due to nothing but my inability to get my eating under control. I was the cause of everything that was wrong with me and had only myself to blame. The embarrassment and shame of that knowledge was truly overwhelming.
Tomorrow--My Top 10 List of the BEST Things About Being THIN!