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Not so sure...

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Reflecting on my goals and intentions and trying to balance commitment and failures of perfectionism. Pondering, Okay I am somewhat noncommittal for fear of failure. I am realizing that I have perfectionist tendencies because if I don't think I can really do it then maybe I shouldn't do it at all. Hence - diet and exercise - all or nothing. Exercise like hell and binge eat! That's what I've done this last 3 months. Committed to regular exercise but ate way too much. Now I want to exercise even harder when the eating is the real problem. Huh! Hum!

If I recognize the problem, why can't I resolve it?

My goal this summer was to conquer the INSANITY DVDs. But today I do not think that is realistic. Not because I couldn't if I really worked at it but WHY? I keep going through cycles of feelings of having to prove something to myself. The workout is beyond my age, fitness/weight level, no one on that DVD looks like me and in my stage of life I will not ever look like them! I want to use common sense without copping out. .!?!?! Okay, I give myself permission to continue Insanity DVDs to change up my routine, get ideas, make modifications ... Is that an open-ended cop out? No....just keep exercising for health.

Eating?!?! I have got to be real. If I want to lose weight I will have to curb cals. 1500 just does not seem to be enough to keep me satisfied most days. So some days I will have to have 1700 and other less. I have to find a sweet spot and stop the bingeing and emotional addiction. I am a smart woman, so why do I keep doing this. MANAGEMENT of an addiction because there is no cure. Get a grip. I do so good for a while. That's how I lost 40 pounds in 6-7 months. I gained 15 lbs in 5 months.

25 years ago I followed Susan Powter's - Stop the Insanity and today I am trying to follow Sean T 's Insanity. No come on...what the hell?

I know it all, have done it all, read about all of it, hear from other Sparkers....but I still just have not gotten it. It's coming though. Not quitting!

I have a strong faith in God. I do the same yo-yo thing with that part of my life. I know it is not a wise choice. I do believe that God is pruning me for the better and the devil keeps trying to deceive me. I have used the spiritual approach for this weight and food addiction problem. Just like all else I'm good for a while then crash and burn.


I know a lot. It still have a lot to learn.
Change the the things you can and accept the things you cannot.

I will do this one day at a time. It's the only thing I can do.

Being honest but positive today.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOUL2SHINE79 6/15/2012 4:42PM

    I am seriously the same way! I go for a week to two weeks of good eating and exercising combined, then all of a sudden it's either or? I need to find that balance too! I made a paper calendar page for myself yesterday, and I plan on really devoting myself to it...it has my workout schedule that i can just check off after it's done on each day. The hardest part is just getting started! We can do this! I also have the serenity prayer at the bottom of my page! Love that prayer! You're doing good! :)

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CHRISKENANDKIDS 6/13/2012 9:27PM

    It's called a journey because there's no end. We are all constantly learning and at any time bad habits can come and bite us in the behind! I'm maintaining, but still learning and still failing some days. You can DO this.

I started Insanity and truthfully didn't really like it. I did it for 3 weeks and would have finished the program if I hadn't started my walk training but I don't think I'll do the entire thing again. It's just not my thing. Don't feel bad about not doing something you don't feel fits your lifestyle.

Keep on going! You can do it!

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THEEXERCISER 6/13/2012 10:42AM

    I agree a great way to accomplish things is to be honest true and with yourself

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