I am just amazed at the things I have done the past month or so. No great feats or accomplishments to most, but to me it is a pretty big deal.
Let's start with yesterday. I joined a Garden Club!! I know, no big deal. But to me, it is pretty huge. It means I have to get out and socialize more, be more active and involved in my community. Step out of my comfort zone. Step out of my house!
I love being at home, and as I gained more and more weight, it was just easier to stay home than have to go somewhere. I was ashamed, embarrassed, I didn't know what to wear. I was just very uncomfortable on so many levels.
I hardly went to the store, never clothes shopped, I just avoided most all things. Friends, family, just everything and everyone.
In the past few months, I have been clothes shopping a couple of times and rather enjoyed it. I am sitting here looking at clothes online and there are just so many more options and more opportunities for great deals it seems. I dont know what size I will be next winter but I am thinking now would be a good time to check out the clearance racks in my goal size.
Ok, so I have been shopping. I had my hair done. Last time I had my hair done at the beauty shop was for my daughter's wedding, about 6 years ago. I think I will go have my nails done next.
I have worn make-up a handful of times the past month or so. I havent worn make-up that many times in the last decade.
I rode my horse a few weeks ago! It was wonderful!! So therapeutic. I got on him w/o needing a stool or log or anything. I did stand him on a down hill slope but it wasnt much of a struggle.
I have been bike riding (motorcycle) with DH many times and able to do that more comfortably. I can get on and off w/o issues. I can zip up my jacket now. I bought some chaps at a garage sale. I don't want to get new ones until I lose some more weight.
I went to a garage sale. I dont have anything against them, but I just would rather stay home.
I enjoy going to the store grocery shopping. I love the produce aisle. I love going early on certain days to get the good meat deals. I use to hate to get out to go anywhere. Which of course compounded things. Letting DH stop and pick up take-out was just all too easy, much easier than me having to go anywhere.
I have been out with my friends more. They have all kept themselves in good shape and I just hated being the fat funny friend. They never made me feel that way of course, but they are beautiful inside and outside and I just felt so out of place. Maybe unworthy is the word.
Same goes with visiting my daughter and grandkids. All my kids really. I just can't believe that I am their mom. How did I have such beautiful healthy fit kids and grandkids? I was embarrassed for them to have to be seen with me. Which worked out fine because I didnt want to have to go out anywhere anyways. Again, they never made me feel that way. I could do that just fine all by myself.
So yesterday, I joined the garden club and we went to the Governor's Mansion for a tour and toured the gardens, then went to the Winery for lunch and meeting. I signed up to volunteer to water their section of the garden at our local park. I figured the kids (grandson and niece) could go with me and we could walk and rip stick or tennis or something afterwards.
I need to get more active with my saddle club also. We have a trail challenge this Saturday and I dont know if I can make it. We have company coming again also. They were just here a few weeks ago but want to come back. Which makes me happy. I dont think they came to visit any of last year, and maybe not the year before, and now twice in a month! I think we are just much more fun to be around now :)
I have once again turned my attention to the future. What I want to do when I grow up. I still often think about the equine foundation for disadvantaged youth. A place where kids can come and spend time with the horses - trouble kids, disadvantaged kids. I am really afraid to take the first step, but I already have the property, the horses... I just need to file the necessary paperwork to become a not for profit.
I am torn with other ideas also. I never have a lack of ideas. I just dont know which direction I need to go, so I just don't go in any direction. But at least I am thinking about it again.
I have been very busy though, working outside. Not so much the last few weeks, but I planted a garden, I have planted trees and shrubs and flowers. I have so much more to do, so much I want to learn, and I thought joining the garden club would help give me some new ideas. My vegetable garden is doing fantastic. At least I think so. I love watching it grow. I love harvesting now and then to supplement our meals. Gardening is not new to me. I grew up in the country with a garden. My dad planted 3 acres of garden every year. When I first married, we planted a garden but I mostly canned the produce. I never got into the planning and planting. So gardening has been such a positive thing for me this year. And then enjoying the good healthy garden produce is just so satisfying.
I still have a ways to go on my journey. I may be half way, I am not even sure. I think I need to go farther, but just hard to say because of things like muscle, etc. If I were going strictly by the number on the scale, I probably am only a third of the way there. Another 100 pounds might not hurt. But I also think with muscle, I would look pretty good losing another 50 or 60. So I don't really have a goal weight in mind, just a ballpark.
All I know is that each day, I get better and better. I am becoming the person that I should have been & wanted to be all along. Thank you all for coming along on my journey.