Tuesday, June 12, 2012
I'm 5 lbs from my goal weight. Ok, my Weight Watchers goal weight. Ok, the highest weight that Weight Watchers would allow me to choose in order to not have to pay for meetings anymore.
Do I sound a little self-deprecating? HA!
I was standing on my Wii fit board this morning and looked back over the past 3 years in the weight history. It's cool that i can see that, the periods of activity and commitment, the areas that were blank between those periods...I can't imagine why, at the beginning of each spurt of activity, the weight was up again! snort! :P
If there ever was proof that activity works, this graph is it!
So, I didn't want to admit that I had gotten to an embarrassing weight for me, 175. I even changed my start weight to this year's start weight because it sounded better to me. 167. But even though I can erase and edit here on Sparkpeople, I can't on the Wii Fit board! So, I asked myself, "Even though you are embarrassed that you got the hefty 175 lbs, aren't you proud of the incredible accomplishment of losing 24 lbs?"
The answer is yes, of course I am.
YES! I AM!
I have 1 lb now and then I could potentially put up the "I lost 25 lbs on Sparkpeople" icon, if I can be proud of that!
How weird is it that I just don't want anyone to know I got that big? Like it was some kind of plague that no one else goes through, a feeling of shame and guilt that I let it go past the first 5 lbs without taking care of it then!
I would rather put up the "I lost 15 lbs on Sparkpeople" banner because that means I wasn't AS big in the first place! SHEESH! WTH?
Today, I'm ready to go there. I am proud. I feel great! I look great! I'm going to get even healthier! I'm going to look even better!
I am going to rock my world!
I'm ready to release blame and shame and guilt. What stupid feelings of shame would make the hyper perfectionist in me want to keep it a secret? OMG, I'm not perfect, I got fat! (Gee, you mean like 60% of all Americans in their 40s!)
Bottom line, I realize I have a gift to offer. If you are here, then you do too. Your success and spreading the Spark will affect someone who really needs help and encouragement.
Perhaps right now you are reading this and saying, "This is what I needed to hear today!"
I say to YOU right now, It took a while, I have learned a lot, but there are three things you must do, the most important things I've learned (edited from a silly earlier post a few months back, about the gazillion things you need to do): Just 3 things:
1) You have to really want to change in order to stay the course and learn good healthy habits. Stop saying "I know how, I just have to do it." Maybe you don't really know how, because you keep giving up. Educate yourself about nutrition and exercise, all the lessons are here on Sparkpeople!
2) You have to be patient because it's gonna take time, maybe years, but what else are you going to do? If you only lose 1/4 lb a week, at least you're not gaining. Over a year, you will lose 13 lbs a year! Better than going to Weight Watchers next New Year's day for your annual weight loss resolution because you gained another 13!
3) You must learn to love you first and be real. When you can believe that you are worthy, then you wont see any other course of action except to take care of yourself.
I got. finally.
oh yea, ps. I freakin rock!