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    JENNYBAKER247   25,505
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RETIRED/BORED HUSBAND

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.



Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.



Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'



15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?


And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

One of the clerks passed out.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMAJAHMAI 6/27/2012 2:35PM

    OMG!! I am rolling on the floor!!!!!!

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KBRADFORD88 6/27/2012 1:47PM

    Uh. Is this true or is my leg being pulled? Either way. Funny.

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VISUALLYRICS 6/27/2012 12:25PM

    Oh gosh! This is my Fav blog! LOL!! This husband sounds almost as bad as my dad... emoticon emoticon emoticon ....what do we do with these CrAzY guys!!??

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BOBBIENORTHERN1 6/15/2012 5:09PM

  This is one of the funniest things I HAVE ever read this is priceless

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TEXASFILLY 6/13/2012 3:42PM

    emoticon He needs a job as a stand-up comedian! Thanks, Jenny~ *hugs* BB~

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PATTIE441 6/12/2012 9:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LVMAMAW 6/12/2012 11:52AM

    Thanks for the morning laugh!! emoticon

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ESILBO 6/12/2012 11:12AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IDLETYME 6/12/2012 10:59AM

    I guess we are lucky when our men don't want to go with us!!! emoticon

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TAGSUIT2 6/12/2012 10:17AM

    Very funny!! My husband will be staying at home from now on.

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1CRAZYDOG 6/12/2012 9:55AM

    Exactly why my DH is NOT going to be retiring anytime soon! LOLOL

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JSALERNO 6/12/2012 6:37AM

    emoticon I'VE SEEN THIS ONE BEFORE BUT LOVE IT EACH TIME.

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123ELAINE456 6/12/2012 6:14AM

  Awesome!!! A great sense of Humor. God Bless You and Have a Wonderful Day and Week.

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DIBANANA 6/12/2012 5:59AM

  Great sense of humor!

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MARYJOANNA 6/12/2012 5:54AM

  Hysterical! Loved it!

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NEW-CAZ 6/12/2012 5:21AM

    emoticon

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