Monday, June 11, 2012
There are always little things that built into ourselves as humans that inevitably slow us down, keep us from achieving our goals... Little excuses we all have made at one time or another to keep ourselves from succeeding. Why? I don't know. My only guess is that it's some kind of self-preservation tactic. Self-sabotage so we only let ourselves down rather than someone or something else letting us down.
Obviously, these little bouts of self-sabotage do no good when trying to reinvent myself, when trying to better myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. Yet, they come around, or are habits that are always around, holding me back, and I'm the one at the lever. Below is a list of all the things I do to myself that hold me back. Maybe with them written down, I can more easily address and conquer them.
-The most obvious self-sabotaging habit I possess is that I am a smoker. Only about half a pack a day, but a habitual smoker nonetheless for about 5 years. I've quit for months at a time more than once, only to pick it back up again. And with planning a wedding, working full time, and going back to school... it's hard to see myself quitting again anytime soon.
-On top of being a smoker, I have developed asthma. Not from the cigarettes, but from the mold in the apartment I'm currently living in. Between the smoking and the asthma, running even a mile without stopping hardly seems a tangible goal. Granted, developing asthma due to an allergy ISN'T something that's my fault, but continuing smoking while dealing with this condition doesn't help. I am trying to break my lease and get out of this mold den, but who knows how much damage has already been done.
-Lastly, (for now) I have serious tendencies to be lazy. Of course, we all have low days, but I give in to them quite easily. I've gotten a lot better. This is the first day that I've said "I'm not working out" in at least 2 weeks. That's gotta be a personal best.
So I am improving, I have a personal daily goal I track with my other goals like drinking water, getting enough sleep, etc that I can check the little box if I smoke 10 or fewer cigarettes a day. My intent is to whittle that number down of course, but the fact that I'm aware, that I'm keeping track, that I'm holding myself accountable, that's a great step in the right direction. I know that much, and I know the only way I can beat myself is to take those steps, no matter how small, as long as they're moving towards my ultimate goals.