Where to begin, or where to end :)
Last entry was on Easter and I was heading to NY city, can you belief it!
The NY trip was fantastic, I just can't describe it in one word, the things I did with my dear friends was amazing and I sure can make a check mark on my bucket list but my friends where so good to me and they just said yes to everything I wanted to to :)
The top of the trip was when we rented bikes and cycled around Central Park and I was not the last one!!!! How cool is that! The girl with the cancer was on the top of the world, the wind in my hair and I was smiling the whole time!
Trump Tower, Rockefeller center, Statue Of Liberty, Cheesecake Factory and much more! YES AND! I went to a NBC tour and GUESS WHAT! I saw the cast from 30 ROCK!!! They were practicing for the live show AND I SAW IT!!!
This trip was fantastic and I did sure forgot the cancer for a while :)
Until last Saturday it has been no news about the Big C, I just go to the hospital once a months, get some medicine and blood is taken but I tried to stop taking pain medicine few days ago and *pew* it endet at the hospital :/
I was not able to stop the pain that I got and when the doctors did some exams they saw that the cancer has gotten bigger. I guess I am not getting rid of it!
But until now I have not let the cancer stop me of living and two weeks ago I cycled 101 km in one day :) It was cycle to work month and I did not want to finish last in my team so I had to get 101 km the last day or be last. My husband showed me a lot of suport and went with me 75 km and wow I was glad when I finished!!!! WHOWHO!!!
I am gathering my thoughts now, but I will talk to my cancer doctor on wednesday. I hope he will explane what this all means but I must admit that I think about death a lot. There is something in my heart that tells me that this is not going to end like everyone thinks and hopes, but I am focused on enjoying every day that I have and do a things that I want.
Like I wanted to do some gardening so I have rented a garden near my house and I am making me own greens. I LOVE IT! My husband is helping me but he carries the water but the summer in Iceland has been really sunny and fantastic so the plants need water.
Here you can see some pictures.
Also my daughter asked me few months ago if she could go as a AFS exchange student for one year in a foreign country and I said NO! When I got the cancer again I started thinking about how life is short and you should grab every moment you can to live I said yes to her, and she is going to Austria for a 10 months. I am so glad and excited for her, this will be a trip that she will never forget and if something happens to me, she will just fly home.
I just try to grab the moment and try to look at everything as an opportunity.
I have gained weight, not much but some. I am struggling not saying NO to food! I hate it and it makes me feel so bad. I can't run and I hate it, but I can cycle. I can't lift weights but I can walk but there is something missing in my goal setting and I say to my self. Tomorrow you will wach your diet, but when I wake up and someone calles me and ask me to go to lunch I say yes and few minutes later I am over eating!
I hate it! I wish I could keep it together and not eating all this food and all this unhealthy stuff. I just can't for some reason stay focused.
Any idea ?
I need a goal, I need encouragement, I need something.
Wow I am complaining hehehe...
I want to thank everyone who gives me goodies and have written to me and I am sorry that I haven't given me time to write back. Like I have told you before I often think of my friends at SP and I miss the time I was active here and doing good. Perhaps the reason I am not writing here as much is that I am a shame of myself for not have been strong in exercise and diet.
I hope the time will come and I will get it together again.