I signed up for this 4 week challenge yesterday. As my previous post shows, I definitely have a problem controlling my cravings for simple carbs like sweets.

For week 1 I'm suppose to take note of what kinds of sweets I eat and when. This is the learning part of the challenge that should provide me with the facts I need to begin implementing some positive changes in my eating.

So yesterday I tracked as accurately as I could what I ate all day. I started out well with a light and healthy breakfast. But the day didn't end well. I didn't plan my lunch and I ended up eating a crazy late "lunch" of sugar and fat! I ate a package of frosted strawberry pop tarts (2 pastries) and four slices of mild cheddar cheese. I felt a bit defeated by my 840 calorie lunch, but I didn't give up altogether. However, I didn't have the self control to eat a small dinner. We had company over and I didn't hold back from having a full meal. Wine, bread, desert included ... after I helped myself to the hors d'oeuvres and a nice drink! (I forgot to record the highball I see...) The company stayed late and I made one final bad decision before going to sleep: I ate a second package of pop tarts (the last in the box actually.) That was nuts.

Even though I ate way over what I should have I actually did have some self control. I could have eaten more believe it or not, but I didn't. Still I clearly ate a LOT and I really had poor control in a number of ways.

First of all, there was no reason for me to eat two pastries at a time. I could have gotten by with one. I should have definitely skipped the pop tart before bed, I wasn't hungry just anxious. The four slices of cheddar cheese was also unnecessary. I could have had one slice with some bread and some lettuce and tomato. That would have been a good lunch.

The crazy thing I do is this: I avoid bread when I'm not binging and I avoid the sugar in fruit ... but I eat pastries and candy and ... you get the idea. I start the day trying to eat a low carb diet and then I jump off the dead end in a binge. I may not be able to do the super low carb diet until I get control of the binge eating.

The dinner was off plan but that was almost inevitable after my earlier choices. If I had eaten a regular sandwich (minus mayo) and a piece of fruit, I would have done much better.

One problem I have developed has to do with how very big I've become in the last decade of my life. I feel that I really should lose quickly because I have so much to lose. I'm realizing now that my habits have gotten so confused and erratic that I just need to practice eating healthy low calorie meals without trying to follow a protein diet for quick weight loss. I can't keep going from one extreme to the other. It will kill me in the end and I'm definitely NOT ready to go!

This blog post was a bit too long and embarrassing but I can see that it was helpful. I have a better idea of how I want to eat today.