Monday, June 11, 2012
What a horrible day. First off I haven't been here for at least a week. Somehow I couldn't get myself to even open my computer. 3 years ago today my son died. It was terrible then and it's still terrible now. They say time heals but I guess that when you hurt everyday it takes longer. My daughter is still hurting and having a very hard time dealing with it. I think it makes it harder because he caused the accident and if he hadn't have been doing what he was doing he would still be here. I also have a 7 year old grandaughter. She is my sons daughter. I haven;t seen her in a long time because her mother is a b__ch. She has refused so many requests of mine to see my GD. She is an addict just as my son was. She has gone through rehab and then starting telling me that I am an addict because I take painpills. She says I don't need them. The only way I was allowed to see my gd was if I got off all my pills. I was allowed to go to her house which is a 40 minute drive. Then she expected me to sit and play games with her. Then I had the 40 min drive home. That was sooo hard for me to do. Way to much sitting. So now I haven't seen her in about a year and a half. I miss her alot.
So now that I have complained about everthing I guess I should tell some good news. I had told everyone on my status that I was detoxing from my meds. So far so good. I have gone from 20 mg of methadone 3 times a day down to 10mg 3 times a day. I still have alot of pain. I feel the same as I did on the 20mg 3x a day. So that tells me I have been on the methadone way to long. So it's time to talk to the doc and find out what is next.
I hope you all are doing better than me. It's raining here which doesn't help. I have missed you all so from now on I am going to make myself come on the site every day.