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feel so humiliated

Monday, June 11, 2012

Yesterday I fainted at the gym after I felt extremely dizzy, nauseated, and had the worst headache in my life. It was a 90 degree day outside but I was clammy and in a cold sweat all the time. (The gym was nicely air conditioned.) My husband knew something was very wrong with me because I push through almost anything at the gym. He stopped his workout immediately and took me to the nearest hospital and I was given an IV; apparently had dehydration. When I was discharged from the hospital, I was given a report of my visit, and at the end of the report it said “obese”. Hopefully they were looking at some older data on me before coming to that awful conclusion, because the page said I weighed 144. In recent weeks I have lost nearly 10 pounds so I do not weigh 144 any more! When I will fall out of the obese category is what I would like to know. (I was in no shape to ask yesterday!) The good news is that the nausea and headache are gone today, so I can give it another try at spinning class tonight. I wonder if it is a new trend for hospitals to leave comments on people’s weights in their discharge papers. I used to weigh 183; never had any notations then and I certainly was way too heavy! Ironic that now that I am trying hard to move out of obesity I am reminded of it this way. My feelings are pretty sensitive right now. I am so tired of being fat.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    That's a word that really hurts! Especially when you are working so hard to change your life. You are headed in the right direction! Keep up the good work!

    1719 days ago
  • DARA52
    They were looking at your old weight. Scary what else they might have missed.
    1720 days ago
  • OOLALA53
    Would you be humiliated by your blood pressure or cholesterol? The category on a chart is just a medical term. Physicians take many pieces of info into consideration and they have their own shorthand. If your correct height and weight were recorded, then you might fall in that category, but a good doctor will take into account other factors as well. They know that short people and tall people are not well represented by BMI. So what? You know what you are doing for yourself in life. You are more than what's on the chart, but the chart has to be efficient for its purposes. The chart is not for you to measure your life. You don't need to measure your life. You just live it. And you are doing a great job. emoticon
    1720 days ago
    MISSG, you raise a very good point (hopefully others can learn from this) that one has to advocate for himself/herself these days in medical situations. I was raised to totally trust doctors and medical staffs, and not to question. I know better now, but the sad truth is the times when you need to speak up for yourself and ask questions can be when you are least able to. I was in such a bad way yesterday all I could focus on was surviving. I formed a pact with my husband that if one of us gets seriously hurt or ill, the other will be there with notepad, pen, and prepared to get informed on everything!
    1720 days ago
  • MISSG180
    Unless you are three feet tall, 144 is NOT obese! That's insane!

    Any time you see anything on your medical charts that is wrong, don't hesitate to speak up, and by "speak up" I mean "throw a fit if necessary." Future doctors look at those charts, and they need to be right.

    Do not feel humiliated. You did nothing wrong.
    1720 days ago
    Ignore all the labels and simply listen to your body. You now know some of your unique warning signs that tell you when you are pushing too hard - be in tune with those and pull back when you start to notice them. It sounds like your are doing an amazing job but pushing to dehydration or total exhaustion can be scary!

    Enjoy spin class tonight and bring your water bottle along :)
    1720 days ago
    Workin' on it, STARLITE. Hope you are doing great!
    1720 days ago
    Dont let want people say or do bother you. you kinda have to be thick skinned. Just keep moving... emoticon
    1720 days ago
    Thanks NELLJONES.
    1720 days ago
    Remember that when you see a health care professional it is one point in time. You get to see the trend: that's why it's a good idea to be in the regular care of your primary care doctor. As long as you are on the way to "better" you are fine. I'm glad you are feeling better today. Keep your eye on the long timeline!! This will be one of those anecdotes you can share with new people some day, when they are distraught over their weight, and you know the way out.
    1720 days ago
    Thank you, LILDOLLY. My husband keeps telling me that too. But that doesn't seem to stop me from feeling like I am stabbed every time I am reminded of my weight. I have loathed myself for most of my life because of my weight and find that it is very hard to change my self-perception. Intellectually I know this is wrong, but I am having difficulties. Why do I loathe myself? Because my weight and lack of fitness ruined things for my friends and loved ones too many times. I had to drop out of everything from carnival rides to hikes because I simply could not keep up.
    1720 days ago
    You are not fat! or obese! Sometimes health care professionals are very insensitive or "too busy" to check their information. Entirely disregard what the report said.
    1720 days ago
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