Monday, June 11, 2012
Good Morning all,
How many times do I say I start again. I keep saying that I am learning my lesson. Yesterday I got very upset with myself. I got on the scale and I gained another pound. 168. I have been stuck on 167 for weeks. I have been working out regularly and watching what I eat. Sometimes I would eat a handful of this or that in the evening. I didn't think it was a big deal. I kept saying and others would tell me. Well your gaining muscle. How long do I keep gaining muscle before I see the numbers on the scale decrease. I became very depressed yesterday and I must admit I binge ate. I was ready to give up. I was ready to just say screw it what is the point. By the evening I felt so guilty over my eating and my attitude. I asked God to forgive me. This morning I made a point to read my Bible and start a new study. I was convicted by Romans 12:1. I had to stop and realize that my focus for weeks has been on me. On looking good and so focused on my weight. I lost the whole real reason of getting myself healthy. I told people what I knew was right but my mind and my thoughts and my actions were doing something very different. I was being double minded. So here is the truth. I am a mess. I have lost weight prior but I am stuck presently. Who knows why. I will plan to keep working out. I plan to eat right. It is not about how I look. It is not about seeing the muscle definition instead of arm jiggle. It is all about worshiping God through taking care of the body He has given me. I am bought with a price. I need to take care of this gift. If someone bought me an expensive gift I would take care of it. So why would I not take care of this gift that was given to me where it was bought with a price I can never repay. I am not going to play games. I need to be real. God sees this as a real issue. He sees all the things I am trying to hide. I am sorry for the people who thought I had all this together. I don't, that is the truth.