Sunday, June 10, 2012
Wow, this week has been a complete whirlwind of bs emotions for me. I have been so down, I just don't know how to get back up again.
Wednesday I cried on and off all day long. Finances, my weight, my relationship, you name it, I cried about it. Don't get me wrong, most of it was my mind exaggerating the problems, but it was still the worst day I've had in a long time.
Thursday wasn't much better. Less tears, but I continued the slump by sitting around watching White Collar on netflix and sleeping. My gf was really worried about me, but she had to work, so she couldn't really do much to help.
Friday, more netflix and sleeping. I barely dragged myself into the kitchen to even eat.
Today was ok, but my mind is still spinning with all this drivel. Why can't I get motivated? I hate what I see when I look in the mirror, but nothing seems to make me really care to do anything about it.
I know the response I'm going to get -
"Have you talked to your doctor?"
"Take it one step at a time."
I have talked to my doctor. My meds are not working, but I'm on the highest dosage of the strongest anti-depressant he can prescribe. My ex gave me the name of another shrink, so I'm going to get another opinion.
As for starting small and taking it one step at a time, I try. Really I do. But my depression and fear are constantly getting the best of me. I don't know how to get around that. I don't know what to do to motivate myself and I don't have many friends around to help. Not that my SP friends aren't supportive, but I mean friends in my locale. My gf does the best she can but she works long hours. She's very supportive of me, trying to eat healthy and urging me to exercise, but when she's not here I just don't do it.
I'm at a complete loss at this point. Totally falling apart and out of control. Just waiting for Monday to get here so I can make an appointment with the other doctor and try to get this depression crap under control.