Saturday, June 09, 2012
Happy weigh in today. I lost 7 lbs! And I haven't been hungry at all. I realize I am so hard on myself. My internal dialogue is negative instead of congratulating me. Here is what is going through my mind:
- yes 7 lbs because it is all water loss.
- the first 10 lbs are always so easy for me. I will go for another week then fall off the wagon and gain 20 lbs as usual. isn't what you did in january and last year and the year before ?
- 7 lbs? And you have 120 to lose so just another 113. Who cares ? You will never go through this. You are such a loser. This has been going on for 30 years and you always end up gaining all the weight back and more. Watch. This time you will go over 300 lbs this year.
Why am I so mean to myself? Why do I beat myself up? I would never ever talk to a friend that way. It's almost like a part of me, a BIG PART of me wants me to fail. I have failed each time before. Like 20 times. Why would it be different? I can't do this. See I am doing this again!! WHY! Why can't I just be happy for myself and give me a big pat in the back for losing 7 lbs? All day I wanted to eat a whole bag of chocolate chips or cookies. Almost to prove myself right and gain the 7 lbs back again next week. There is something really wrong with me and my way of thought.
So, this feels very uncomfortable and unlike me but here you go: KUDOS for losing 7 lbs in a week. What matters is to lose , no matter the number. Let's have a goal of another 2 lbs next week and reach 275. That would be great. You are doing a great job and let's take it one day at a time. Who cares the number. Soon you will be feeling lighter and healthier. Here is the deal. You reach 200 lbs and you will get your iPad. Doesn't this sound like a plan! And yes be ready to fail at times, to gain weight back, to reach plateaus, to eat like a pig one day or two, but promise me you will get right back up and continue this journey. For the sake of your children that you want to see
grow up into adulthood, get married , have children of their own. I want to be there for them. I want to be part of their lives. And I need to be healthier for this or at this rate a heart attack or a atroke is hanging over your head. Promise me. ...