Saturday, June 09, 2012
I've had my Sparkpage since 2008 and this is my first blog entry!
I indulged so much today. The first time was coming home from my weekend German class. I was at the metro stop and was sooo hungry, so I bought a chocolate bar. I was in a really good mood, though, so I ate it very slowly and put it into my meal plan. 250 calories is a lot, but it's ok once in a while, and I was able to work things out so that I could still stay under 1300 calories for the day (thank God for egg whites!).
Then I went to the store to get things for a special "skype date" dinner my boyfriend and I are making tomorrow night. For dessert, we're making a recipe from Eating Well magazine that uses pre-made rice pudding, nuts, and raisins. I thought the recipe would be good in spite of the fact it uses pre-made pudding (I usually do everything from scratch) because I could just buy one small cup and wouldn't have to worry about keeping sugary treats in the house. Normally, I would have bought the pudding on the day we made the recipe, but we're making it on Sunday and grocery stores are closed here on Sundays. And I can last a day, can't I?
Answer: no. Instead of my light egg-white, super-good-for-me dinner, I had the pudding cup, cashews, raisins, and a glass of milk. I justified eating poorly because I kept it under 1400 calories and still was in the 'ok' range in all of the categories. But I don't feel ok. For starters, I'm hungry! Because I spent so many calories on sugars and not enough on whole grains, I wasn't full for very long. The fact of the matter is that if I have ANY refined sugar AT ALL, I go crazy. I'm like an alcoholic with sugar. When I was in the super market, it was everything I could do to get out of there without buying a box of ice cream bars, and the only reason I made it was because I promised myself cashews and raisins for dinner.
I know that Sparkpeople doesn't want us to think about this as a diet, but it is one. Do we need to change the way we eat? Yes. Should some of those changes be permanent? Of course. But the fact is, that I can eat a lot more if I'm just maintaining weight than I can when I'm trying to lose weight. That doesn't mean that it's ever healthy to binge, or that it's ever healthy to eat a processed pudding cup, but it does mean that I'll be able to have some cashews and raisins without making them into my dinner.
One of the reasons why I'm so concerned about eating well now is that I'll be moving in with my fiance in a week and I want us to start developing a good, healthy rhythm now. We both want kids in a few years, and raising them to be happy adults with a healthy attitude towards food is important for both of us. By the time we have kids, I want healthful eating to be our 'default' mode. Now we're moving in together and soon we'll be moving to a new city. Our lives are changing. All of our routines are changing. It's time for me to change my sugar-binging, too.
So I've decided to think about today in the positive. Yes, I had a candy bar which made me crave sugar the entire day. Yes, I had a pretty good idea the candy bar would do that when I bought it. But do you know what? The craving didn't control me completely. I still made my goals today, just like I'm going to make them tomorrow.
I'm getting better, I'm losing weight, and I'm really starting to enjoy my body.