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    NERAUS   87,450
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Time to stop lying to myself

Saturday, June 09, 2012

Okay I realized a few things this early morning and I am going to share them with you lucky people.

I stepped on the scale for the first time in 5 months. Yes it has been that long. I always had an excuse for not doing it but I was just lying to myself. The scale tells the truth and the truth is I have gained 6 pounds. Yup I have gained a pound a month. I am only 12 pounds below where I started this whole sparks journey.

You may be asking how could such a gal who has it so all put together come to such a crossroads? Because I have been lying to myself.

Line # 1
I don't need to exercise as much any more. I am running now and that is burning up tons of calories so off days I can sit on my butt. Reality is I run like twice a week for less than 2 miles at a pace that no one would call blistering. In fact when I ran past a group of young kids I heard one say to his friend is she running or walking?

Lie#2
I can eat more treats because I am working out so much harder. Reality is I can not eat a donut or a pastry for breakfast everyday. I can not eat "power bars" every day for snack when they have more calories and sugar than most candy bars. My work outs often don't even leave me sweaty. I am burning zilch for calories.

Lie#3
I can spend less time on Sparks and still stay motivated. Reality using my computer time to play facebook games is making my butt much bigger. I have lost my motiviation. I put it somewhere with my pride in acomplishing new physical challenges. My healthy outlook and postive outlook is probably in the same place. I better check under the bed. That is where I usually throw things I don't know what to do with.

I just spent the morning reviewing some old blogs. Some I had even forgotten I had written. I had some good advice and really need to listen to it. I have let life, family and friends push me around some and it is time I pushed back. I can't believe I haven't written a blog in over a year. Man some of my old ones left me laughing out loud. I guess my sense of humour is hiding under the bed too.

What can I do? Well first and foremost I am getting off the guilt train. Yup I screwed up in the last few months. Yup that was a tough number to see this morning. However numbers go down as well as up and it is time I remember that. It is time to remember I am funny and creative. At my work they think I am weird because of all the (what they think are) odd things I know. What can I say. I have a 4 year liberal arts degree so I know lots of things that are only useful if you play lots of trivia. ( Not saying a liberal arts degree is bad but if you do what I did and don't focus on any one area it pretty much is useless.) I also read alot. I always have and will until my eyes drop out of my head. Fiction, biographies, weird books on odd moments in history or odd facts about famous people I have done them all. And I need to stop apologizing for that fact. I have a coworker who is amazed I read more than one book a month. Really I can't believe you can only read one. Never read a biography on Henry the 8th? What is wrong with you? You don't know what the Volstad Act is? Did you grow up in a cave?

I need to remember my own words that I reaquantied myself with this morning.
Beating yourself up doesn't count as cardio. And I am a freight train. ( to explain that last one you have to read the blog. it will take too long here) I have a ton of great qualities and if the friends I have can't see them or look past my bad ones then I need to move on. My biggest fault is I can be very negative and I have one friend who points that out constantly. I now no longer call her to share any news because I am sure to hear in every conversation "you are being so negative. I want to hear something positive now." My response is (at least in my head) okay I am postive you are being an a***hole right now. Do people think I am that unaware that I don't realize I am a debbie downer? Do they think pointing it out ALL THE TIME will help?

I need to remember I am worth fighting for. Fighting the daily battle of good food choices and exercising even when I don't want to. I am worthy of supportive friends and family. I am worthy of having my qualties good and bad on display to the world. I am worth being who I am.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HANAHSCLOUDY 6/25/2012 12:06PM

    Awesome blog!! Great self talk!

Just being honest with ourselves can move mountains Girl Friend!!


Have a great wonderful day, and look forward to our first adventure!!


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GOLDDUSTTWIN 6/18/2012 8:44AM

    emoticon nice blog, good insight...now stay dry today and work out inside!
Me too! lightning has a way of clearing the pool! emoticon

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KIMMARIE11 6/10/2012 11:30AM

    I subscribe to your blog and when I checked my email this morning, there this one was at just the right time. Thank you for posting and putting all this out there. There are probably thousands of people who are where you are right now and we all needed this wake up call.

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DREBENEZER 6/9/2012 8:55PM

    The fight goes on...and you can do it!!

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BOBBYD31 6/9/2012 8:46PM

    it is good to admit it and move on from there. you know what we all do it!

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MIAMIA7 6/9/2012 8:46PM

    Great blog Nera and great advice! For you and all of us. Way to go on the reality check. We all falter every once in a while but getting back to it means we are learning to live healthy..forever.

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CASSIOEPIA 6/9/2012 8:35PM

    Woo woo (train sound). Time to get back on track. I love the honesty and real-ness that you have found (likely was under the bed).

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RUNNINGWILD 6/9/2012 2:46PM

    Nera, I think we all tell ourselves these same three lies when we start seeing signs of success.
Good luck getting your freight train back on track!

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