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I am so DONE!

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Thursday, June 07, 2012

So yesterday I had to go to the doctor to get some more blood work done-thyroid, diabetes, liver function. Well- not really doctor, but Nurse Practitioner.

I usually dread going to doctor's offices for many reasons.

1. I have no insurance so it always wipes me out financially

2. I don't want people to tell me everything they think I am doing wrong

3. I never feel like I am being heard

4. I don't feel like I am treated like a human

5. All around I just don't like it-- doctors make me nervous and anxious.

Well.. I love my Nurse Practitioner -- she is so sweet and she treats me like a human being.

My first visit with her in January she walked in the room and she said I KNOW YOU. I said yes you were a nurse in an office I went to while pregnant 11 years ago. She said I KNEW IT I COULD NEVER FORGET YOU! After that I knew she was going to help me.. so here it is now months later and this is how my visit went yesterday...

So I arrived at the office and a nurse weighed me in and took blood pressure, etc. When my NP walked in she did this little dance and yelled. 16 POUNDS-- YOU LOST 16 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!
She was beaming with pride. She just kept smiling and telling me how proud she was of me. She got off of her little rolling doctor stool and came and sat right next to me and sat there and talked to me for like 20 minutes. We talked about the vitamins and medicines she has me on. We talked about improving my sleep. She asked me about my emotions. She genuinely cared about how I was feeling. She talked to me about how not only is my body changing with my thyroid levels getting better.. but she also talked about how it is going to be changing my mind, as well. She talked about how I am probably starting to experience new emotions that I haven't felt in years. AND SHE WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT! She even said I may even lose relationships and more because I will become a new person that people have never known before. She told me to contact her immediately if I needed to express any concerns about not only my physical health but mental struggles. She also told me I HAVE to start exercising in the morning if I want to sleep at night.. AGGHHHHH lol. I knew that was coming. lol


I told her about how years before I went to see a doctor that was in the very building she was in and told him I wanted my thyroid checked. That doctor just told me I was depressed and put me on Paxil. She gasped and held my hand telling me how sorry she was about that. She said --" I bet the Paxil made you gain weight didn't it?" I said YES IT DID!

I told her it had been years since I trusted anyone in the medical field and how I hunted her whereabouts down so that she could help me. I told her about how 11 years ago I remembered she was a nurse at my Obstetrician's office when I was pregnant and how I remembered how gentle and kind she was always with me. I told her that I looked all over the internet to find where she was at now and made an appointment to see her. She and I started crying!!! She went and got us some tissues and she said that I made her day!

She kept going on and on about how proud of me she was and that we were going to get my thyroid and diabetes under control together.

When I was leaving she came and hugged me!

I left her office and got in my car and cried the whole way home because I felt so validated. I felt like it had been years since anyone gave a crap. I was so happy -- I was so relieved. Now I am crying again just thinking about it! It was such an emotional day for me!

So, after my NP visit and blood work I babysat my great niece and great nephew for a while. I was so tired and still trying to process all of the emotions I was feeling from the day. I had fun playing with them - 3 yrs old and 11 months old. But I was so emotionally and physically tired. When they left I went and ate a half cup of ice cream.. I was so upset about doing that,even though I was still in my calories, that I made me a couple of fat free bean refried bean nachos. UGHHHH..
I had this amazing visit with my NP then I go and end my day like an idiot!

Instead of going completely off the wagon with calories I decided to get on Spark and get back on track. I read many great blogs but there were 2 that really helped me.

SHRINKINGLULU wrote a great blog about eating a bag of cookies and climbing back into victory ..
and BOREDIMSO wrote a fantabulous blog about her A-HA moment with emotional eating that she had. I had a crazy flashback A-HA moment myself when I read her blog. If you go and read her blog you can read about my crazy flashback moment.

So with all of the support from my wonderful Spark Friends I feel really good right now that I will succeed. I am facing fears .. I am making myself vulnerable-which is really hard for me.

I AM DONE feeling like no one cares about me
I AM DONE feeling like I am not sure if I can do this
I AM DONE not allowing myself to be vulnerable and reach out for help and support
I AM DONE giving up
I AM DONE being the FAT GIRL
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow - what a marvelous experience.

    And I think I too would have had a rendezvous with Mr. Ice Cream Box after something like that. You know - thin people eat ice cream too - and you're a future thin woman.

    you go girl
    2088 days ago
    I am do proud for you .... it is these changes right here that will keep you "done" for life
    2088 days ago
    2088 days ago
    You are AMAZING! Congratulations on your success and continue to take care!
    2088 days ago
    Sounds like you had your turning point so excited for you! It is very true about our mental changing as well as our bodies! Keep up the great work! Remember to believe in yourself as all of us believe in you!
    2088 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2088 days ago
    I work in a doctor's office so it is very helpful for me to be reminded of the impact we can have in supporting our patients. Great job expressing your thoughts and fears in writing too And I love the quote on this page "If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up" . emoticon
    2088 days ago
    great you found somebody to help you
    2088 days ago
  • NCSUE0514
    NPs are often really great - knowledgeable, practical, and compassionate. I used to hesitate going to an NP rather than an MD. No more
    2088 days ago
  • SUSANK16
    Amazing isn't it what a caring physician can do!
    2088 days ago
    Very happy for you and I want that NP she sounds awesome. And yes girl you are so done! emoticon
    2088 days ago
    I am so glad you found an NP that is supportive! It was so helpful for me to find a doc that listened and talked to me rather than just spout info and send me on my way. I am also so glad you are on Spark and have a network of people on this journey with you!
    2088 days ago
  • IRP1114
    Wow thank you for sharing all this. That is awesome! So happy to know there are still people that actually want to help people get healthy and not just throw meds at them. So happy for you. You deserve to be treated that well ;-)
    2088 days ago
  • KKC-318
    Congrats about finding a great NP! I know I have been disappointed with my pediatrician for my son, not taking any of my concerns seriously.

    Now you KNOW you have support, there and here! You can do this! Good Luck!
    2088 days ago
  • JAIRIE813
    I am so happy for you! emoticon
    2088 days ago
    emoticon ,

    That you've found such a Great person to help you in this journey. Having a supportive medical professional makes such a huge difference in your health. A big Bonus that she's so positive.

    Now you can start redefining what you call yourself- no more fat girl! How about beautiful, funny, honest, healthy......

    Continued SUCCESS!
    2088 days ago
    congratz on the weight loss and I hope someday I find a medical professional who is interested and caring like yours is.. Good for you for coming to spark to help Yourself feel better about your small hiccup... YOU CAN DO IT
    2088 days ago
    Your blog made me cry! I know what its like not to want to go to the doctors, I feel like when I explain how I'm feeling they don't listen and just dismiss my feelings. I sooooo happy your visit went well, she sounds like an amazing women - almost as amazing as you! Don't worry about the slip ups, focus on the wonderfully awesome day you had!
    2088 days ago
    Hi, I used to be like that. The moment I reallized I lost more than two pounds I got back into my bad eating habits. It helps me to drink water instead lots of and think again, what I want to eat.
    Congratulations to your weight loss and congrulation to this nice Nurse Practitioner. It seems as if you have a good sense for choosing people that are good for you. After one bad meal your weight loss journey won´t be stopped.
    2088 days ago
    You Go! emoticon

    Life is too short to feel bad about oneself . . . We miss SO many opportunities when we are in the "poor me" mode.

    Give that NP a hug for all of out here who understand just how important it is to have someone genuinely care!
    2088 days ago
  • 13610511

    You are on the right track, have the right mindset and you have an AMAZING Nurse Practitioner!

    The stars have aligned!

    2088 days ago
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