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I am so DONE!

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Thursday, June 07, 2012

So yesterday I had to go to the doctor to get some more blood work done-thyroid, diabetes, liver function. Well- not really doctor, but Nurse Practitioner.

I usually dread going to doctor's offices for many reasons.

1. I have no insurance so it always wipes me out financially

2. I don't want people to tell me everything they think I am doing wrong

3. I never feel like I am being heard

4. I don't feel like I am treated like a human

5. All around I just don't like it-- doctors make me nervous and anxious.

Well.. I love my Nurse Practitioner -- she is so sweet and she treats me like a human being.

My first visit with her in January she walked in the room and she said I KNOW YOU. I said yes you were a nurse in an office I went to while pregnant 11 years ago. She said I KNEW IT I COULD NEVER FORGET YOU! After that I knew she was going to help me.. so here it is now months later and this is how my visit went yesterday...

So I arrived at the office and a nurse weighed me in and took blood pressure, etc. When my NP walked in she did this little dance and yelled. 16 POUNDS-- YOU LOST 16 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!
She was beaming with pride. She just kept smiling and telling me how proud she was of me. She got off of her little rolling doctor stool and came and sat right next to me and sat there and talked to me for like 20 minutes. We talked about the vitamins and medicines she has me on. We talked about improving my sleep. She asked me about my emotions. She genuinely cared about how I was feeling. She talked to me about how not only is my body changing with my thyroid levels getting better.. but she also talked about how it is going to be changing my mind, as well. She talked about how I am probably starting to experience new emotions that I haven't felt in years. AND SHE WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT! She even said I may even lose relationships and more because I will become a new person that people have never known before. She told me to contact her immediately if I needed to express any concerns about not only my physical health but mental struggles. She also told me I HAVE to start exercising in the morning if I want to sleep at night.. AGGHHHHH lol. I knew that was coming. lol


I told her about how years before I went to see a doctor that was in the very building she was in and told him I wanted my thyroid checked. That doctor just told me I was depressed and put me on Paxil. She gasped and held my hand telling me how sorry she was about that. She said --" I bet the Paxil made you gain weight didn't it?" I said YES IT DID!

I told her it had been years since I trusted anyone in the medical field and how I hunted her whereabouts down so that she could help me. I told her about how 11 years ago I remembered she was a nurse at my Obstetrician's office when I was pregnant and how I remembered how gentle and kind she was always with me. I told her that I looked all over the internet to find where she was at now and made an appointment to see her. She and I started crying!!! She went and got us some tissues and she said that I made her day!

She kept going on and on about how proud of me she was and that we were going to get my thyroid and diabetes under control together.

When I was leaving she came and hugged me!

I left her office and got in my car and cried the whole way home because I felt so validated. I felt like it had been years since anyone gave a crap. I was so happy -- I was so relieved. Now I am crying again just thinking about it! It was such an emotional day for me!

So, after my NP visit and blood work I babysat my great niece and great nephew for a while. I was so tired and still trying to process all of the emotions I was feeling from the day. I had fun playing with them - 3 yrs old and 11 months old. But I was so emotionally and physically tired. When they left I went and ate a half cup of ice cream.. I was so upset about doing that,even though I was still in my calories, that I made me a couple of fat free bean refried bean nachos. UGHHHH..
I had this amazing visit with my NP then I go and end my day like an idiot!

Instead of going completely off the wagon with calories I decided to get on Spark and get back on track. I read many great blogs but there were 2 that really helped me.

SHRINKINGLULU wrote a great blog about eating a bag of cookies and climbing back into victory ..
and BOREDIMSO wrote a fantabulous blog about her A-HA moment with emotional eating that she had. I had a crazy flashback A-HA moment myself when I read her blog. If you go and read her blog you can read about my crazy flashback moment.

So with all of the support from my wonderful Spark Friends I feel really good right now that I will succeed. I am facing fears .. I am making myself vulnerable-which is really hard for me.

I AM DONE feeling like no one cares about me
I AM DONE feeling like I am not sure if I can do this
I AM DONE not allowing myself to be vulnerable and reach out for help and support
I AM DONE giving up
I AM DONE being the FAT GIRL
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    very powerful post...very happy for you!!!
    2047 days ago
    2047 days ago
    I have been having some of the same issues with doctors for a while. Thanks for sharing.

    2047 days ago
    THANK YOU FOR SHARING!!! emoticon
    2047 days ago
  • THEIS58
    done, done, done - I love it!
    2047 days ago
    What a touching story. I'm glad you found someone to take care of "you" along with you. And the thyroid sure does make you sick if it's out of whack, doesn't it? I'm fighting the same thing plus, but I'm sick of being fat. I want that skinny gal I used to be back and I'm gonna get her back.
    2047 days ago
    That's awesome!!! That was truly a blessing to find your nurse!
    2047 days ago
    I would LOVE to have a doctor/NP like yours! You are so lucky and I'm so glad you found someone like that you can trust in the medical field.
    2047 days ago
    Thanks for sharing! I too have found that many Nurse Practitioners practice medicine much better than physicians - they are more thorough and listen better. I'm glad to hear of your success.
    2047 days ago
    What a great post! You are doing great and have inspired me to stay on track. Keep it up!!
    2047 days ago
    So happy for you!!!!!!!!!! (let me find happy emoticons) emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2047 days ago
    thanks for sharing
    2048 days ago
  • CHEFMOM1199
    Thank you for sharing this heartfelt post. You can do this!! emoticon
    2048 days ago
  • BERI03
    How wonderful! You can do this!
    2048 days ago
    It always helps to know that your Dr. really cares. I have a female Dr. and she seems to reallly care about her patients. Hang in there.

    2048 days ago
    Thank you for sharing. I wish I had a NP like that. Keep up the good work. emoticon emoticon
    2048 days ago
  • TRACEY0529
    Loved your blog! Its my day off and I should be asleep..but woke up and logged onto SP for inspiration to start my day, and there you were! I was expecting your blog to be about giving up here and was ready to say NO! Stay!. I was ready to give you encouragement. But here, YOU gave me encouragement! I know youre story oh so well. I gave up so many times..but then always find these life preservers along the way to scoop me back up and get me on the healthy track again. This time it's SP. I was on here 5 years ago and JUST came back this week. Im so happy I did!

    I am going to school for nursing so your blog was even more interesting to me reading about the nurse practioner. We are taught as nurses to treat the PATIENT as well as the illness. To treat holistically. ALL of you, including your emotions. Doctors, on the other hand are taught to treat the ILLNESS vs the patient and not to get personally involved.So that may explain what you have gone through esp w your one dr giving you paxil vs finding out what truly may be bothering you. I too was put on paxil years ago by my DR and it did nothing for me long term. Your nurse practioner is doing what she was taught, to nurse YOU and not just your physical needs.

    Congratulations on all your positive strong thoughts at the end of your blog! Im so glad you found her. She sounds wonderful and Im so glad she took the time with you.You deserved it!!!

    Have a great healthy weekend!!

    Tracey emoticon
    2048 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. I have many of the same emotions going on when I visit the doctor. I'm planning to go for my annual in August, and I'm actually losing weight, too.
    2048 days ago
  • LINDA7668
    I'm so happy that you found a good health care provider. They are hard to come by. Congratulations on the 16 pounds gone and the improved health!!!! You've inspired me. emoticon
    2048 days ago
  • MOLO14
    Great post! Love your attitude and congratulations on your progress!!
    2048 days ago
  • EILEEN2905
    I'm so glad you found a health care provider who was open to listening to you! Like all HP should. You are doing so great! Don't let anyone make you doubt yourself!:D emoticon emoticon
    2048 days ago
  • ANNA247
    I loved reading your blog. It is so rare now to find a medical professional that listens and actually cares. And it's even more rare when you find one that works with the mind/body connection. You cannot heal the body completely unless the mind is well, and vice versa. It sounds like you have a great NP. I wish I could find one like that!

    The rest of your blog was so inspiring. I can relate to stress/emotional eating even after having a really good day. I celebrate with food, then feel upset about it and binge. Kudos to you for turning it around and checking into SP to get back on track. Awesome!

    Way to go for losing 16lbs too! :-)
    2048 days ago
    What a wonderful health care provider to have. Hang on to her! So many of them just don't care.
    2048 days ago
    What a very touching and encouraging blog! Thank you for sharing it with us and continue on your great journey! Noel
    2048 days ago
    emoticon on your weight loss. And it is emoticon that you found an amazing Nurse Practitioner. Thanks for sharing and good luck with your continued success emoticon
    2048 days ago
    Congrats on the weight loss and on finding someone you can trust with your health and wellbeing. Great blog.
    2048 days ago
    How I love nurse practitioners! That's awesome that you have such an amazing one! Keep focusing on that wonderful woman and remember there are many more good people out there who care about you!
    2048 days ago
    emoticon So glad EVFRYTHING turned out so good.
    2048 days ago
    Congratulations. You definitely should be proud of yourself. You are definitely inspiring me to keep on my journey. I'm so glad that their are still some medical people out there that actually care about their patients. Congratulations againg and have a great weekend.
    2048 days ago
    Thanks SO MUCH for sharing this with us! I read your story about the nurse practitioner and the part where you said you hunted all over the internet for her, and I teared up! As a nurse, I know what it meant to her to have you say that! Know that you made HER day, too!

    OK about the falling off, we all do that once in a while, and just have to get right back up and go on! Best of luck to you as you continue your journey, and HUGE emoticon on your 16 pound weight loss!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2048 days ago
  • JAMER123
    Way to go!! What a beautiful story! Congrats on finding the care you need and finding yourself through that care!! The only other thing I can say is; emoticon
    2048 days ago
    You'd better hang on to that NP! She's worth her weight in gold! That's why I don't go to doctors either. One ~ I have no money & two ~ they don't listen. I'd go to mom's doctor if I could, but I'd have to be 65 ~ darn it!
    2048 days ago
    2048 days ago
    This is obviously a break through. it sure does feel good when someone in the medical field, actually cared about the whole person, and listens and doesn't get annoyed at questions. And working together as a team, makes all the difference.
    2048 days ago
    I think all doctors could benefit from reading your blog! For whatever reason, many have stopped listening to their patients in order to treat their whole health and have decided to treat symptoms instead.

    I love our NP too! In the past 15 years, we've seen her 10x more than we've seen a doctor!
    2048 days ago
    1.) 16 lbs? 16 lbs?!?! Effing AWESOOOOOOOOOOOME!!! I was singing that, btw. emoticon

    2.) I LOVE this NP and I'm so glad that you have a professional who can relate to you!!!

    3.) This part really struck a chord with me. If you frequent my blogs (which I know ya do, my girl), you know that I recently severed two relationships. It kinda feels good to know that someone else out there gets it, and that I'm not alone in this. "She even said I may even lose relationships and more because I will become a new person that people have never known before. "

    4.) re: the ice cream. Shake it off, baby girl. Just shake that off. It's done. Kinda reminded me of what I was saying the other day about emotional eating on either end of the spectrum. Do you think it's because you were so happy that you felt it cool to splurge? I do that, not sure if you're the same way.

    Love ya!!!

    2048 days ago
    I am thrilled for you...................stay DONE, now, ok??

    I second the whole thought process about Nurse Practitioners! I am a nurse and there is just something very "human" about a NP that physicians forget how to include.

    2048 days ago
    You go girl and be done with all of that! Amazing! That NP sounds like she definitely is in the right field of work. I have many of the same feelings about doctors as you do, so I can only imagine how fantastic that experience was.
    As of the ice cream and nachos, I am so proud of you for just doing what you did. So many times when we are emotionally exhausted we aren't mindful of what we shove in our mouths. You realized what you were starting and stopped it and went somewhere you know you get inspired, motivated and touched and you stopped that cycle. You are amazing and are doing great!
    2048 days ago
  • VALYNN26
    2048 days ago
    How lucky for you that she was still around for you to become her patient. My most favourite Dr. that we moved away from is now 82 but still very involved in the medical community. He never made you feel rushed, he always had time to talk and as he talked and asked how you were (not just what's wrong with you) he was taking your blood pressure. I am envious of you but happy to hear these care givers still exist!
    2048 days ago
    I feel the same way you do about going to the doctor. How awesome that you finally have an ally in your health journey!
    2048 days ago
    Wonderful blog post! It's amazing how one medical professional that sees us as a PERSON and not just a chart number can truly make a difference.
    2048 days ago
  • HEARTS116
    Way to go!

    2048 days ago
  • NEWMOM20121
    Way to go. You should be proud of how well you have done. Great job.

    2048 days ago
    Way to go, girl.
    2048 days ago
    I think Nurse Practitioners should be nominated for SAINTHOOD! I have had good experiences over the years with them. They treat you like a real human being and somehow when you leave their office, you feel as though you've been heard. That is saying a lot for me (being a retired nurse). A good Nurse Practitioner is worth her weight in gold. emoticon
    2048 days ago
    This is so amazing. I'm so happy for you and thankful you have such a wonderful NP! What a life-changer!!!!
    2048 days ago
  • FARIS71
    That is awesome! Glad for your great healthcare experience, your bump in the road and your rapid recovery!
    2049 days ago
  • BARB5970
    I wish I could find a NP or MD that I felt comfortable with. The last time I went to my GYN he berated me so badly about my weiight I felt like a scolded child. I always liked the man and thought he was a great doctor, but now I lost all respect for him and will never go see him again.

    By the way, you should join a team called 'Quitting - you can start until you stop", this team is all about people like you, who are Done with all that crap you talked about.
    2049 days ago
    Amazing. I'm so glad you found her. It sounds like you both had a huge impact on the others life.

    Great blog. Thanks for sharing. emoticon
    2049 days ago
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