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    MYLADY4   44,654
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Internal dialogue of an exercise addict

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Yesterday had a bike ride on a beautiful trail with the hubby and pulling the daughter in her new bike carrier (the bike trailer and her weigh about 100 lbs). Goal was to go slower and keep the heart rate down did pretty good until half way through.

Here is the jist of the conversation that was going on in my warped head.

Addicted self – You need to pull Eli to get the heart rate up to burn calories.
Logical self – Ok, you can pull her but you need to go slower to keep the heart rate lower.

Addicted self – lets go and ride to the bridge it’s only 7.5 miles there, you’ll get more of a burn in.
Logical self – not a great idea but as long as you switch and have the hubby pull her back, ok. Remember, more is not better.

Addicted self – not going to switch at the half way point going to keep pulling, more burn.
Logical self – what are you doing.

After we start heading back hubby informs me of the time. We needed to be at DQ at 7:30 for my mothers birthday treat and it was my idea to meet there cause I knew we would be biking (this logic will be explained later). Had about 35 minutes to go 7 miles. We really needed to book it.

Logical self – hubby has fresher legs you should have him pull now.
Addicted self – NO you can still pull her just go faster, more calorie burn.

Logical self – this is not good, this is not following the new plan that you are trying to do.
Addicted self – shut it and keep pedaling. You did not do cardio Monday or Tuesday, you need to do some good cardio today.

Logical self – will switch soon, it’s not good to keep up this pace.
Addicted self – fine.

Logical self – OK switch the heart rate has been too high. Going into anaerobic zone instead of aerobic zone and that has NOT been working for you for the past 6 years.
Addicted self – what ever.

We switched after I pulled her for about 10.5 miles.

Logical self – good for switching
Addicted self – fine

Logical self – Damn, he really does have fresh legs and you are not going to get the heart rate lower this way if you have to keep up with him.
Addicted self – YES!!!! Burn baby burn.

Logical self – why the h.e. double hockey sticks can’t you just cut back. Why couldn’t you just try biking for just an hour, why push it to 1 ½ hours. You did this last week, wanted to go for 30 miles instead of 20. This is NOT working for you.
Addicted self – shut up, you are still fat and getting fatter, move it!!!!

The heart rate did come back down a bit but not as low as I wanted it. Wow, did not realize that how strong this was.

I ended up burning around 900 calories for that ride so I should have ate a minimum of 2500 calories, did I, no.

Oh and there was no way that going out to dinner for my mother’s birthday was going to trump our bike ride, that’s why I suggested meeting at DQ at 7:30 pm. Have to keep with the workout schedule. Think there is an issue there????

On a positive note I was going to do some Jillian DVD’s yesterday and this morning but just did not feel like I had the energy to do it. So yesterday I did Morning Yoga dvd and it felt pretty good. This morning I tried Jillian NMTZ but was even struggling on the warm up so I turned it off and went upstairs and watched the news. I might try it tonight but I know that she gets my heart rate way above my “good” zone so I might do a Cathe strength DVD tonight.

Bad note, feeling really fat today and just do not know what to do anymore and right now a Healthe trim commercial is playing and it is really really tempting to try it. But no, not yet, I am going to try an eating plan that another spark friend shared with me (thanks Mrs.Carly) starting this weekend (need to go to the store first) and work really hard and cutting back the cardio.

Just a warning............More is not better.

Exercise Addiction blog to follow.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIKA016 6/10/2012 9:56AM

    It's a matter of balance. I can read your struggles and it is good to talk about them so you can work it out.

ML

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CINDYTW 6/7/2012 9:00PM

  I am sorry you are dealing with this. Sometimes I think that way, but usually I am just as apt to say "F-it!" and take a rest day if I am not feeling my best. Liek the last 2 days I have had cramps and just came straight home to the couch after work!

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LISAINMS 6/7/2012 1:38PM

    I read this and I feel for your struggle. I knew you had issues (haha you know what I mean) but this is like a glaring red flag. Wow, girl. I think you will be fighting these feelings for awhile. Would it help to write out your exercise goals for the next month and, for each, the reason why you are committed to that goal? It would serve as a constant (and logically powerful) support for your positive changes. Maybe you could shift your obsession from calorie burns and minutes to meeting those goals? Give yourself a gold star for every day that you adhere to the "less is more" plan. I have a highlighter system for my training calendar. If I do the day's workout plan and reasonably get my nutrition in, it's pink highlighter (because pink is my fave). If I'm 80%, it's green -still good. Blow it off and it's orange highlighter, which I hate. Orange is about the only color I can't wear, lol. So I do not like seeing it on my calendar either. Orange doesn't go with pink and green. Silly, but it works for me to visually see what I accomplish.

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FITFOODIE806 6/7/2012 1:31PM

    I hope you find the right balance for you. I agree that more is not better. I've found that raining for endurance events, like HMs and a full, makes it very hard for me to lose weight. I'm looking forward to July when I can focus on short, intense workouts.
Hope today turns around and you feel better!

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LORI-K 6/7/2012 1:10PM

    Very well written blog. I understand. You know I do.

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EMMANYC 6/7/2012 12:48PM

    I have just read this blog and your other blog about activity addiction, and I think you're doing a great thing for yourself and others to talk about this. I would be interested to hear more about the experts' suggestions for dealing with it, and what ends up working for you. Best of luck!

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