Wednesday, June 06, 2012
So this past weekend, I finally finished getting my apartment organized for the most part. I still have some decluttering, but at least I can have company over and I'm not totally embarrassed. This meant that I also started sorting through my clothes and have set aside the ones that are too big for me to take with me the next time I head to Goodwill.
This is a difficult step for me, since this is the THIRD time I'm in the process of losing weight in the past 10 years. Although I'm doing it properly this time (the past two times, I held onto my unhealthy eating habits and was simply an exercise bulimic, spending at least 3 hours a day in the gym or on the trails), it's still a scary thing to face giving those big clothes away. As I lose the weight, I lose my shield, my security blanket that kept me safe. In my faulty thinking, I thought that if I stayed fat, I could filter out all those people in my life that didn't have pure intentions, and I would keep the people around me who simply liked me for me. I'm finally figuring out that it doesn't matter what size I am....but that I need to take a leap of faith when it comes to meeting new people that they can look beyond the exterior after I open my mouth and show people who I am.
So this coming weekend, I'll work more on cleaning out my closets and getting rid of my fat clothes. Although they'll be a little bare while I work on my new body (only want to buy the bare essentials at thrift stores while I lose the weight), they'll at least be ready for plenty of even better clothes once I reach my goal.