Tuesday, June 05, 2012
So as I announced last week, it was my birthday. I turned 32 on 5/30. I don't "feel" 32, whatever that means. I don't feel like anything, honestly. I only feel "old" when someone younger makes a remark about how I am not *that* old or something like that. Um yea, I am *that* old, as old as I am. You can probably tell that I have mixed feelings.
For my birthday I ate a lot of fruit salad. I specifically requested no cake. Chocolate mousse is my favorite (since I was a little girl). I don't regret not having cake. It's not like the world will run out of cake while I work on my weight loss goals. And... even if it did, I've had a LOT of cake in these 32 years (as evidenced by the fact that I even HAVE weight loss goals). I am truly grateful that my loved ones respected my request. My sister had a pretty store-bought fruit salad waiting for me at work that day, and my sweetheart made me one for when I got home, he even stuck candles in the watermelon. It was really adorable.
Today I got up earlier than usual, and earlier than I thought would be possible. I got up at the ungodly hour of 8:15 am. And I made myself a protein shake, and got my sweats on. Even my honey got up. And we took our butts to the gym. And I got there (early!) for the 9:30 Ballet Burn class. It kicked my butt. I thought for sure I was going to die during one of those pilates moves (ok, most of them), or that one of my legs would just snap off. I sweat bullets. I wanted to cry. But I didn't give up and I made it through the class. Afterwards, I kind of wanted to puke. I was even a little proud of myself.
I have always considered my legs my biggest "problem area". I haven't worn legitimate shorts in public since I was 15 probably. That's 17 years of thinking my thighs were too fat for shorts. With the middle riding up all the time, making them look more like undies or a swim bottom... I have been too embarrassed to go outside in shorts. So I am committing to working on my legs. Just because I don't love them right now doesn't mean I can never love them. It doesn't mean my thighs are destined to be bulbous and jiggly. Some cardio and some solid leg work should help shape them. I refuse to believe that they are just "fat", especially if I haven't even attempted to improve them.
I hope to take this class, or other leg strengthening classes, twice a week. Other than that I plan to walk or run or hit the gym once or twice otherwise. That is 3-4 days/week. I don't think that is particularly ambitious but I am trying to take it slow, not bite off more than I can chew.
Slowly, I am getting better at being good to myself.