Writing my blog yesterday helped, I felt better & was able to call a friend & opened up about what was going on. She's seen me go through this rollercoaster of a ride & I talk endlessly to her about my goals & she's been so supportive. But for some reason..I just couldn't bring myself to tell her about my recent struggles. I just figured I bore her enough with training talk I don't want to bore her with this. I know, stupid, I know. She listened to me ramble on & on then told me to think about where I was a few years ago, think about how far I've come & asked me how we can deal with this to help me move forward. I told her about my blog & how I decided I don't want to race anymore. I want to enter races..but I don't want to race against myself & the clock anymore. I want to just enjoy whatever I'm doing & just enjoy being in the moment. We discussed what all I need to change & how I can make these changes.

I also got great advice, encouragement & feedback on my blog. I'm thankful that fellow sparkers & spark friends take the time to read my ramblings & help me see & look at things from a different angle. It really helps. So thank you fellow Sparkers & Spark friends.

Since I finally opened up about all this I feel like a weight has been lifted of my sholders. I should've done this weeks ago. I just didn't want to admit out loud that I have a problem & I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid of not meeting my time goals or doing better than previous times. But now I think, so what if I'm not faster? Failure isn't if I don't beat the clock..it's only failure if I quit because I'm scared of failing.

This morning I went for a 5m run in the rain. And I have to tell you...it was amazing.
I put my shoes on & my heel wasn't nearly as sore as it has been, so I think it's healing (I'm still going to go to the dr & find out what the problem could been & how to avoid this in the future). I didn't look down once at my garmin to check my pace..I only looked at it to see when it was time to run or walk (I do 10 & 1's). It started to really down pour & got windy on my last stretch home & it didn't bother me. I was drenched when I got home & that made me proud (weird I know).