Monday, June 04, 2012
So I've been away from Spark (not completely away but away in that I barely updated which means everything suffers) and basically away from fitness and eating right for a bit. The eating-right more so than the fitness but last week I took the whole week off, didn't work out, only did my usual dog walks and walks to the bus stop. And surprisingly, though I felt like crap and just kinda felt like any little thing would put weight on me or set me off, I was actually ok with myself taking the week off.
I've been very stressed both at home and at work and it was difficult to find a place that would give me the smallest amount of peace. The only time I really had was in the mornings when the bf and his brother were gone from the house before I went to work and the afternoon when I could come home and just crash in the bedroom either to watch tv or do some creative stuff on the computer. I would usually use that time to work out, to squeeze it in somehow but not last week. I took my time getting ready, paid more attention to me and less to the things I always had to do. I gave myself time to straighten my hair, to put makeup on, to steam clothes. All me time. For some reason, the last few weeks to months have been stressful at work and because this was the place I always sparked, it made spark stressful for me as well because I just can't get on the internet the way I used to be able to. Because of that, I have been feeling like I'm letting people down (and myself) in not updating, in not logging in, in not showing up and that was stressing me out as well. So I just kinda detached myself from everything and just wandered away to be with myself for a bit.
It kinda worked. Sort of. Last week was definitely a good week for me. Even though I ate badly and I didn't work out at all, it felt like I was back in contact with a piece of myself that I was neglecting. I started writing again, started to really listen to music again and even started watching new shows and fiddling with my video making program (I use Power Director. I think that's the name). I even took a real lunch today. Not one of those, "Let me heat up my food and then wander back into the workroom so I can be interrupted by staff members who see my lunch half eaten in front me and yet still choose to believe I'm not on lunch," type of lunches. I actually heated up a Healthy Choice meal and ate it downstairs while I tried out a new album on my phone. Nothing but my food, my music and my thoughts in my head wondering if this would be a good song to make a video to or if this song fits a soundtrack I'm working on for a fic idea. Just good old fashioned creative thoughts and processes. I think I needed that completely today and also over the weekend where I did the majority of my creative stuff. I started watching a new show (new to me, old to the rest of the world, lol) and while I was listening to it, I went through an old binder of my old writings and started to type it up so I could bring it in to work as a document to work on here. I also took walks with Tucker to get him out into the sun and into the park and to let him roam around (still leashed. Of COURSE I don't trust him!! Hahahahahahaha!). I wanted to hit up a festival yesterday on 5th ave but with all the errands and then demanding that my guy make his veggie chicken sou for me to eat this week, we ran out of time for that. But we did hit up an ice cream truck. I had a vanilla cone with chocolate sprinkles. Do you know how long it's BEEN since I've had a vanilla cone with chocolate sprinkles?
A long time.
So all in all, these last few weeks have been a pain in the butt but last week served to open my eyes a bit and to realize that I was taking an all or nothing approach. I was definitely in a mode that wasn't making me happy, trying to work out and eat right and be happy at work even with all the drama, worrying about cash and trying to keep up on bills and everything. I didn't realize that I was just suffocating from it all. So I think last week was a reboot for me. Today I picked up again where I left off with the workouts. Yami and I had just started Jillian Michael's 90 Day Body Revolution and this morning I finally started Week Three which introduces Workouts 3 and 4. I also started to log my food diligently again (granted, it's only for one day so far but it's a step, right?) and have tried not to let work get me down. I think the lunch hour to myself helped me there immensely. I plan on updating Spark while I have this desk (only when I have the check-in desk can I go online while working because I can't actually leave the desk. Beyond this desk, no one else is allowed to be on the internet in the workroom.) and then when I have the front desk I'll try to work on my writing and helping out patrons until I have to leave at 6pm. Then I can go home, grab some soup for dinner and watch a few episodes of this show I'm hooked on while I type up some more chapters of my old writing.
Hopefully this time off from stress will help me reboot and motivate me again. Thanks for reading!