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    JSIM92480   4,640
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Not Really Present on Sparkpeople

Monday, June 04, 2012

I'm not trying to change my eating all that much right now, just trying to drink alot of water, and walk alot every day to keep my mood from bottoming out when I'm not near my children. Next month I find out if I have kidney cancer. I really do not want two cancer diagnosis' in two years. The thyroid seems to be under control and I responded okay from the treatment, though my tastebuds will never be the same lol.

But they found a small tumor or cyst in my kidney that they can't get too in order to biopsy it so we're waiting to have another ct scan and if it has grown at all they are going to suggest removal of the entire kidney due to where the lump/cyst/tumor is. It's right in the middle of my kidney next to the arteries and urine parts of the kidney.

On top of that, my husband had gastric bypass surgery this past April and has not been following the diets, he started smoking again, and is generally whining and bitching about how much pain he's in (hello, had two csections), and I just want him to leave me alone. He is his own worst enemy and I am absolutely tired of walking on egg-shells around him. I used to think it was me, I'm sure as hell no angel to live with and have my ups and downs. But our youngest had a scare last month in that her head size had grown a little too fast and her doctor wanted to rule out hydrocephalus (though she had no other signs, she just wanted to be sure). Instead of supporting each other, my husband starts to text his friends that our daughter has hydrocephalus and he doesn't know how to deal with it. I just found this out yesterday. He barely talked to me and avoided even looking at me until after she had her brain ultrasound and of course everything came out just fine.

I'm exhausted. Tired. Terrified. I have sucky friends outside of work, good friends inside of work, but I am just tired. I just want to win the lottery and stay home with my kids (after kicking the hubby out so I can have a vacation without him). I know, I'm a horrible person. But I want to breath!
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