Saturday, June 02, 2012
I just realized I never updated my Marathon dilemma, you know do I join team in training or not. Well this year I had this crazy urge to join team in training. I've never been interested in it before but this year it was different it was in my Soul and I was hell bent on it. The roadblock? My husband! I was not going to join if he was not going to support me. So we talked and I listened to his concerns and I explained to him that those were mine too. And that childcare is going to be an issue but I'm asking friends and family to donate babysitting time on saturday mornings so I can go to the main trainings. I don't know why but I was not going to take NO for an answer. And after explaining to him that I have always supported him that I was just asking for the same back. That I will work hard fundraising so that it won't come out of our pocket. But I just needed to try! And the day I signed with TNT was the last free day to join...SOOO if I hated it I wasn't out any money.
I also decided against running the Disney 1/2 marathon. I will do it one day but this year is not my year. On top of the fundraising to run I would have to have an extra 400-600 to bring my family with me and it's not a reality this year. So I've decided I am running the Nike Womens 1/2 Marathon in October.
The other thing I've realized is why this has been such a big urge to do this is it's my 16th year Cancer free from my second bout with Non Hodgkins lymphoma. It makes sense now. But I've never really acknowledged having cancer it was just part of life. We don't talk about it in my family. I never got sick like a person you envision with cancer. And with this being my year of change and getting healthy emotionally healing scars I've never dealt with fit into this bracket.
I've been held hostage by this disease by not talking about it. My parents did a great job keeping me going but I think if we would have accepted that I had a life threatening disease but was so very lucky that my treatments were easy that my life could have been a little different. I've learned that it's ok to give up, if its too hard you just don't do it. If you don't talk about it and just keep going on you'll be fine.
So I have decided that this is the year I am going to Heal these scars, that it is time to talk about it. It's part of my life, and now being cancer free all these years I can be ok. I'm still not ok being called a survivor because I never had to fight for my life, but I will not be a hostage to this disease anymore! And as part of this I have chosen to do this season as a Honored Teammate. And I told my story that I never thought I had this morning at our training and it felt both Weird and Amazing at the same time. I'll post it later.