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    CRYSTALSPARKED   1,369
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Frustration and Transparency Pt. 2


Friday, June 01, 2012

I went over my calorie range two days this week (by more than a 1,000 calories) in SECRET.

If you asked anyone in my household, they'd know nothing about it. They didn't see it. And when no one else sees it--at least so I've convinced myself in the past--it didn't happen.

More than that, eating in secret means I don't have to face the shame, the horrible nakedness of my shortcomings. Sometimes I can think of nothing worse than to be seen. For the person beside me to know that I am not only flawed, but weak. How much easier it is to sneak around, lurking behind 130 lbs of extra flesh.

But I am tired of hiding. I am tired of the exhausting fear of being found out. Tired of not seeing my inherent perfection as a being in a perfect universe.

What action has this fatigue inspired?

Something small, but significant: I am making my food tracker public.

Why?

Because I wish to accept where I am. I choose to look at my flaws without judgement. I want to prove to myself that fear does not have to paralyze.

Let the unveiling continue.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
FARRAH511 6/5/2012 9:42AM

    I haven't hear from you in a couple of day... How are you doing?

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1PEACEBUNNY 6/2/2012 11:48AM

    Secret eating is the worst so kudos to you for being able to put it out there for someone to see. Changing your eating habits for me has been the hardest, most days I can stay in calorie range but I have been basically eating what I want and losing. I want to lose more so I know I have to start working on what goes into this body so I can burn faster. I have planned and bought 2 new low calorie but great tasting food cookbooks. I am incorporating more healthy teas and fruit into my day to fill space that I would normally fill with bad snacks. What is your plan to overcome the cravings, if you don't have one then you will continue. Let a person that you see daily know about your secret eating and it has to be a person who won't judge you but offer you support and assistance with the problem.

You are being honest but you have to add planning and action to this as well determination and will to stop this harmful activity and yes thats what it is. You are not the only one wearing a fat suit on here, SP is full of them but as you learn to become healthier and choose better forms of activity for a healthier you in body and spirit then the zipper loosens a bit until you can fully unzip the suit for a healthier you. I am working on this daily by working out when I want to lay down and now with the food. I said it before and I will say it again, with Prayer, God, action and determination and will, you can do it! Don't give up and never give in! 1 day at a time! emoticon emoticon

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LBLYKOWSKI 6/2/2012 2:25AM

    I recently read this and think it speaks perfectly to your recent lack of will power..."I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are." To me, this says let's not worry about fixing it, just move forward. So here we go! emoticon

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