Friday, June 01, 2012
Ok, I woke up this morning feeling that it was absolutely necessary for me to blog today. Here is why... Yesterday was a pretty decent day. I was mindfully making nutritious choices all day, until suppertime that is. I had a long day at work, and didn't get home until nearly 6:30 (I start at 6am). I decided I would stop and grab a Papa Murphys pizza on the way home. Which seems to have been our stand-in supper whenever I work late. Well, my hubby and son decided to go fishing after school yesterday, so there I was alone with a pizza. Not long ago, I decided to switch from the Papas Favorite, to the Hawaiian Delight to try to cut calories. It meant buying 2 pizzas for the family now because Hubby and Son don't care for the Hawaiian, but it seemed like a good trade-off at the time because I love pizza, but it's just so high in calories. Anyways, yesterday I realized that pizza is just one of those foods that I cannot trust myself with. I ended up gorging myself on it last night, which made my reasoning for buying the 2nd "delight" pizza meaningless. ARG, I was so frustrated with myself after I went in for another piece, and then another, etc.... This is still hard. Resisting certain foods is still SOOOOO hard. I'm getting close to my goal, and in the past, actually reaching my goal has always been the kiss of death for me. I start slacking, and ultimately have always gained the weight back. This is why this time, it is so important to me to own up to when I fall off the wagon. Before, I didn't have tools like SP where I can publicly hold myself accountable, but this time around I do, and I want to make the most of it for myself. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I'm only human. I've struggled with my weight nearly all my life, and just because I've been sparking for nearly 5 months now, certainly doesn't make me an expert at doing this weight loss thing perfectly. But I guess there is no "perfect" when you are on this journey, right? So moral of my tale today, is that I admit I am imperfect, and I am accepting myself this way. But, with this acceptance, I have renewed determination to not just throw in the towel like I've done in the past. I feel like this SP thing is really a good fit for me, and I have an honest chance of really trying to make this a life change, which is something that I've never felt before with any other attempt I've made at losing weight. So, I owe it to myself to hold myself accountable, and that is what I am trying to do with this blog. The other day I read a featured blog from a SP member that compared the journey to lasting weight loss to tending a flower garden. The point of the story was that reaching her weight loss goal was like tending her garden. Each day she needed to put in the work to ultimately see the payoff. I liked that analogy. It made sense to me. So yesterday I let a couple of weeds peek through, but today, I'm picking those suckers out quick! I don't want to be the one standing in my own way, and putting my feelings out there to whoever may read them is my way of getting my self out of the way so I can move forward.