Thursday, May 31, 2012
Eating and depression go hand in hand with me. I have experienced depression for most of my life and I learned emotional eating habits from my mother. All of my happy childhood memories surround food and eating. I come from a large family of eight children. Holidays were the best... all of us gathered around the dining room table for holiday meals, laughing and joking. I have always turned to food to cosole myself. I'm learning to make healthier choices now when it comes to "comfort."
My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer about 4 years ago. The cancer has come and gone several times, but this time it's here to stay. Mom stopped her chemo treatments about a month ago because the side effects were far outweighing the benefits. As my mom's life slips away, the tie that holds us all together is coming undone. I am the only college educated person in the family, and I'm a social worker specializing in the field of hospice. I know about cancer and dying. But some of my siblings are angry with me.
I was told last night that two of my brothers think that I told my mother to stop taking her morphine. First of all, I would never tell any patient, let alone my mother, to stop taking their medication. My youngest brother didn't tell me he has leukemia because he thought I told my mother not to take her morphine.
You have no idea how this makes me want to binge and fill up all the empty space inside of me with food that brings me comfort. I'm so grateful for the mealplan here, because by logging my food, I know I'll stay away from the binge and from the other foods that bring me "comfort." I will find new foods that make me feel good.