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The Path To The Holy Grail- Regaining Emotional Balance Part 5- Independence And Passion.

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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Independence is a stabilizing force. Early in my journey, I found it necessary to take off the training wheels so to speak. To me it was becoming more important to develop an at home routine than to go to a class. Social support is really important and good for the soul , BUT, I may not always be able to afford a trainer or a membership and workout buddies may fail to continue their journey. Ultimately, this is my journey and I cannot allow myself to be dependent on anything to prop me up. So what will I do if I no longer have access to the workout environment I am accustomed to? Will I lose my direction and wander off? One thing that is a part of my core existence is my home. I will always be living somewhere. I must learn to workout and function in my core environment and let the rest just be the icing on the cake.

I had to toss the idea that I will do everything by the book. My life does not fit the perception of the one size fits all, cookie cutter, 9-5 lifestyle. I would say that chances are very good that you are in the same boat. I have found that plans are, at best, a "serving suggestion", an example to be customized.

Remember that commitment to cause always breeds the outside the box ingenuity required to see it through.

Cultivating a sense of independence freed me from always looking somewhere else for a solution or blaming my circumstances. There comes a point where enough is enough. I woke up to the fact that it doesn't matter what my situation is, how little support I think I have, I don't have enough time or what ever. The bottom line after all the reasons are laid out why I am the way I am is this: I am 40+ years old and I am running out of time to change things.

After all is said and done and I am in my elder years, will I look back at this time as the time I took it back and made my remaining years good ones or will I be sitting in my room at the nursing room with drool down the side of my cheek, wondering where my life went? Why did I waste it? Why oh why couldn't I pull myself away from the TV, from the computer, the drive thru and simply LIVE? Now my life is spent and wasted. That will be the time when all of the reasons, the excuses, the justifications will not mean a thing. It is uncomfortable to face opposition, both from your own addictions and from a health-unfriendly environment, but the bottom line is that the possibilities of living your best life dwindle with each passing day that you allow yourself to cling to another justification until you wake up one day and your vitality is totally spent.

Then the bitter tears will flow.

What will you do today?

This is strictly my opinion and I will probably catch flack for this but I firmly believe the big reason that only about 20% succeed in long term weight loss and maintenance ( statistically speaking ) is that in general, there is a lack of total commitment. Yes, I know there are circumstances that happen, it happened to me too and i regained 20 pounds a few years ago.

Life happens to all and all the crap that goes with it but ultimately, when you are totally committed, circumstances will influence in the short term but they do NOT determine the long term because your vision will keep you coming back. Visualize a boxer that gets knocked to the mat and gets back up again and again and you get the point.

Unfortunately, the culture that we have created is our own worst enemy. We have been made docile by our push button, instant gratification, fast downloading, drive thru, pamper-me society until we have lost our will to dig in our heels and fight like hell to get what we want. The determined person, if they don't see the result they want, will seek out information and education, and go back to the drawing board until something happens that clues them in that they are headed in the right direction. Show me someone who is unwilling to go to any length to educate themselves so they have a better understanding as to how to succeed and I will show you someone who really isn't serious and results will be lacking. I have yet to meet someone who is truly passionate about something that does not search out and devour any and all material about that subject.

I know that this is rather pointed but this is part of the reason why I made it this far. I had to quit making excuses because, no matter what seemingly good reasons I had, at the end of the day, I was still a prime candidate for a heart attack and may die. If I want that to change and want to live, I had better pull out the stops and make it happen.

Survival instinct is pretty powerful. Powerful enough that we will eat anything and do anything to survive even if it crosses our petty preferences. Tap that instinct, realizing that our unhealthy lifestyle is slowly killing us, and we will be unstoppable. Keep relegating this to the " when it's convenient for me " list and we will fail every time. It is a law of nature that will never change. We humans are a funny bunch. We spend millions to be able to view the farthest corners of the known universe yet are unwilling to give up the least comfort because we can't see past the end of our nose.

Remember this: Success in this journey is affordable to all but comes at a price few are willing to pay.

Are you willing to fight for your independence?

Are you ready to be your own champion?

If you say yes and mean it and are willing to commit to it everyday in some small way, then success will ultimately be yours.

With independence comes freedom. Seek out like minded support but rely on no one. This is YOUR journey.

Make your journey your passion.

Next In Series- Reprogramming The Reward Center

Previous blogs...
Introduction to the Holy Grail

Emotional balance part 1 - journey to the center of the problem

Emotional balance part 2 - Relationship with the scale

Emotional balance part 3 - Self talk

Emotional balance part 4 - Realistic weight loss goals

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
BIRDLSLAURIE 6/1/2012 1:57PM

    You, sir, are an excellent motivator and your insight is amazing. I was so excited to see another Holy Grail blog. You have outdone yourself. Thank you!

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ROCKYCPA 6/1/2012 1:55PM

    thanks for the reality check!

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SAHUNTER99 6/1/2012 1:20PM

    This came at just the right time for me. My husband has always been my sole support as to emotional needs in my network . When he decided he didn't feel the same about me, I was terrified. Who was I gonna talk to, who would understand me like he does, whose shoulders would I cry on. It took me three years, but now I know the answer - me. I had to count on myself as number one for emotional support. I had to learn to cope without leaning on someone else. My husband is still my best friend and I am his. Apparently we just can't live together. But I have to thank him. For, at the time seemed like the most painful, cruel, hurtful thing he could have done, I have found myself along the way. I have only myself to blame for failures as well as for happiness. No one else in this world is responsible for me but me. It doesn't mean I travel alone. It just means I've learned to be alone with myself and be okay with that.

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CM_GARDNER78 6/1/2012 12:27PM

    Yep. You got it - you are 100% correct. Think about our ancestors who had to fight to LIVE? The man who fell in the cavern and had to cut off his own arm in order to get out and live? People have eaten whatever they could find just for survival. We are hard-wired to do whatever is necessary for survival. You just have to kick into that instinct in order for it to work. (And it is NOT a comfortable thing to do - you will suffer from some uneasiness and have to do uncomfortable things in order to achieve it...not everyone is willing to do this!)

This is your best one yet! Will there be a conclusion? :-) Great series...I love it!

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LIVELYGIRL2 6/1/2012 12:16PM

  Outstanding and insightful!!!! emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 6/1/2012 11:47AM

    hi robert of all the holy grail blogs i have liked this the best.probably while i have been and still am doing this alone in terms of exercise.with three small children who have special needs and my husband being out of work at the moment money for gym or a personal trainer are out of the question so i have to be my own personal trainer always loved your blog.take care and keep smiling. emoticon

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LYNCHD05 6/1/2012 11:14AM

    Once again, thank you. Ultimately we are responsible for ourselves and the only one to blame or take credit. My plan is to do the best I can and if life throws me a curve that I have no control over, at least I can say I did my best. If I end up in the nursing home it will not be from my neglect of looking after "me". That is all we can do!

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KDSTAP 6/1/2012 10:53AM


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WENDENANNIE 6/1/2012 10:46AM

    Yes! Yes! Yes! I am committed to that lifestyle change and it has been years in coming! I just turned 55 a couple weeks ago! I look forward to every day because my overall health is likely to be better with each passing day! I can sure feel it and see it after a 50 lb. loss! I am starting on another 50 now! WooHoo!

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MIMIDOT 6/1/2012 10:22AM

    Thank you for sharing. Great blog! Keep it coming.

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HLOCHRIDGE 6/1/2012 10:20AM

    Preach it Brother!!!! Wonderful blog! You are an inspiration!!!!!! I want to be like you when I grow up! LOL

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HIGHNOON 6/1/2012 10:14AM

  Thank you. So true, I will not to be that person in the nursing home. emoticon


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JWADDELL2 6/1/2012 10:14AM


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BECKAFANO 6/1/2012 10:04AM

    Awesome series of blogs. Thank you so much for taking the time to do them. They have truly made me re-evaluate and be motivated to action again. I can't thank you enough. THANK YOU!

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TONYVAND1 6/1/2012 10:02AM

  Thank you great blog

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DEEJACKSON 6/1/2012 9:45AM

    THANK YOU!!!

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FARIS71 6/1/2012 9:44AM

    So true! External forces my not work with you, but your internal drive sticks with you!

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MARITIMER3 6/1/2012 9:44AM

    In my case, you're absolutely right. I fail because I'm not totally committed. I allow just about anything else to get in the way when I don't want to exercise. However... yesterday I walked over 4 miles.

Thank you for making me face up to my lack of commitment. I will do better.

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NEWMOM20121 6/1/2012 9:42AM

    Great blog. So true.

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CJYOUCANDOIT 6/1/2012 9:36AM

    I like how you tell it like it is. I really enjoy my exercise more when I have a "Buddy" But when my buddy cannot join me I do nothing. I need to have a plan B to implement when I don't have someone to walk with. Thank you for your guidance.

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    Bear in mind that happiness is not the goal but the journey.

Make it a great weekend!

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DONNALEE24 6/1/2012 9:15AM

    Thank you and God bless your positive efforts!

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MOMMY445 6/1/2012 9:11AM

    what a fantastic blog! have a terrific day!

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SUEPERSTARS 6/1/2012 9:07AM

    Great series of blogs... especially this one, today. You're right, it is totally up to each and every one of us - how you deal with the circumstances life throws at you, is how you'll end up living your life. Its up to us to make the better choices.

Thanks for stating it so eloquently.

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CYDHUTCH 6/1/2012 9:05AM

  Thank you!

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WALLINMW 6/1/2012 9:02AM

  Enjoyed this very much. I needed to hear this!

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RWILLIAM56 6/1/2012 9:02AM

    I agree with your decision to be independent. i made that decision years ago. I haven't been in a gym in, oh, 20 years?

Like you, I decided that I couldn't rely on other people or places to give me the motivation to do what needs to be done. Popular wisdom is "Tell your family and friends to get support!" "Get yourself a workout buddy so you won't wimp out!" It just doesn't work for me.

Not that I'm anywhere close to being where I want to be, I struggle and struggle, but the imprtant thing is, I'm still fighting, and I refuse to give in!

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LTMURPHY7 6/1/2012 8:54AM


Great advice & worde to live by. I'd like to do this but I need willpower

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MNNICE 6/1/2012 8:44AM

    When people say to me "I'm going to eat and do whatever I like and enjoy these later years beause everyone has to die from something anyway", I always just smile and say "Yes, but I want to die healthy!"

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DAISYTERRI 6/1/2012 8:31AM

    Love, love, love it!!!!

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CHRISTINECAN 6/1/2012 8:29AM

    I began this journey trying to stave of an old age that you describe, but it became fun and an end in itself. I can't help wondering if not staying the course is farther back than a lack of commitment. Perhaps those who don't stay don't actually have clear in their mind what they would be/are committing to?

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KATHLEEN0222 6/1/2012 8:06AM

    EXACTLY what I needed to read today!!!

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JOHELF 6/1/2012 7:57AM

  Your comments really hit the spot for me. I've got 25 years on you, but I still have to remind myself that I'm the one that has to take the tiger by the tail, because no-one else can/will do it for me.

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MUHLEY 6/1/2012 7:47AM

  I was so inspired by the steps and even wrote them down for further reference.Every word of them is so true.

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WISDOM73 6/1/2012 7:45AM

    Hello and thank you for sharing such inspiration. I agree all the way!

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THEIS58 6/1/2012 7:30AM


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CAROLZ1967 6/1/2012 7:04AM

    I agree! It really boils down to personal responsibility. Life throws obstacles at all of us. None of us are immune from hardships or challenges. It's how we react and deal with those challenges that ultimately determines who will be successful and who will wallow in self pity and continually blame: society, the environment, or anyone other than themselves. Thanks for being one voice to speak the truth.

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NANA2ANGELS 6/1/2012 5:35AM

    That is emoticon

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SUSANK16 6/1/2012 5:33AM

  Very well put

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GRACIEPEI 6/1/2012 5:32AM

  Awesome! Everytime I read something of yours, I learn something new to chew on! This is very exciting for a 70 year old.

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NCSUE0514 6/1/2012 5:29AM

    what a great series!

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BECKYANNE1 6/1/2012 4:39AM

    emoticon You said it pretty good! That's pretty much why I've gotten to where I am today!

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ANNEDY1 6/1/2012 4:16AM

    You have, certainly, given us something to think about. I usually skim read but your blog caught me. xxx

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TAMPATINK67 6/1/2012 3:00AM


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LIZALOT 6/1/2012 2:03AM

    Thanks for this down-to-earth, no-nonsense advice. You're absolutely right, I'm the only one who can take responsibility for my life. I wasted so much time when my kids were little, worrying about my weight and refusing to go places because of my hang-ups, so I don't want to ruin the rest of my life. After all, I might even have grandchildren one day...


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XXMILAXX 6/1/2012 1:53AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JENNYBAKER247 6/1/2012 1:49AM

    Well done! emoticon

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GODIVADSG 5/31/2012 10:41PM

    Great Blog! I don't know who said this but... Two choices, make progress of make excuses.

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DUXGRL1 5/31/2012 8:37PM

    Great blog!

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MRSDAVIS09 5/31/2012 7:15PM

    I can't add much to what has already been said in the comments, but this one really nailed it on the head, Robert. Keep writing. . .I LOVE it!!!!


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