Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Hi, I swore I wasn't going to be negative on here and blog negative thoughts, but something is just really bothering me.
I hate being fat, but can't do anything about it if I want to eat all the time. I really do good during the time I work, but go home and I eat like a pig on weekends I eat. I don't know, but I don't, I don't want to be fat anymore. I've been fat all my life and for once in my life I would like to be normal. Not having recommended surgery from my doctor or prescription pills. I have been there and done the pill thing, and that stuff is not good. And surgery, I am really chicken to do. I hear so many bad things about the surgery. I know I can do this, but why can't I be strong and do it now. I feel so weak and helpless. Plus ashamed to know I have lost 200 pounds and have gained half back. Can't tell I have lost a thing, AGAIN! I was feel so good at one time and I thought that feeling would last forever to help me keep this stuff off, but evdently NOT!!! I keep on holding on to hope or maybe help, hoping it will come alone and give me some really SWIFT kick in the butt and knock some sense in my head. I need to have some kind of modivation to start again, Can't stay like this forever, and I am not going no where but up.
One of our board members critised not only me, but the whole office for being fat. He said we need to be examples of our county and we should be thin. And we are not setting examples for our community looking like we do. Well that is true, but what is he to tell us that. He said anyone that is in a expertise of nutrition or exercise should be thin. and we are the picture of unhealthy. It was trouble for him to say that, plus he is blogging we like elephants and things. so cruel I think. oh well, I don't really want to go into more detain with that. BUt what he is saying is so true, but really cruel also.
I just need to get myself together for me and not for no one but me. Hope you don't mind the Bla, Bla, BLa, but it does feel better to just tell someone about how you feel.