Wednesday, May 30, 2012
So, because I have so little faith in myself, I find myself slacking and getting down on myself simply because I am pretty much always approximately 200-300 calories above the recommended amount per day. Which has only frustrated me, leaving me with the thought "if I'm watching what I'm eating and going over still, how many frackin calories was I going over before???!??!??!?"
Monday night was a nightmare of food. My friend made a honey glazed ham, homemade mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, and Velveeta Mac and Cheese. We won't get into how much of each I ate, but let's just say that going back for seconds didn't involve more green beans.
So yesterday I was too depressed with the thought of inputting the food into my tracker from the night before. I reluctantly began tracking yesterdays, annoyed with myself, annoyed with my weight, annoyed with my low will power, and just overall annoyed.
I had a homemade quesadilla last night. Because I wanted it. I didn't measure much out, but I through in more veggies than I normally would. No sour cream, had quacomole instead.
And I was frustrated once again. I probably over-ate. I had even had a bag of potato chips at work because I was hungry and I wanted them (again, how "hungry" was I, or just frustrated and because I already felt so behind I just ate them anyway...)
Today, I finished putting in the food for yesterday's dinner. And holy crap! I'm in my alloted calories! It was an amazing feeling to see that I actually did it! And it wasn't like I starved myself all day, I just made decent choices (minus that chip bag...) and well measured choices. And isn't it funny how that feeling alone motivates you to want to continue today and try even harder? Now all I need is a couple good days of this and see the scale start to change... it's when this doesn't happen that I lose heart and feel like I'm starting all over again. Please let this be the first of "more often than not". I know I can't be perfect everyday and that when I slip more than just a little I just need to shrug it off and concentrate again the next day... it's just damn hard.