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    STEELKICKIN   33,868
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How Many Fingers Am I Holding Up?

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I think I need new contacts.

I just stood on my front porch, breathing in the cool country air, and was dumbfounded by a strange light in my woods. It zigzagged through the trees, did a 180 and topsy-turvied straight up before plummeting straight down. This light would be bright one moment, then dimly fade, showing up a few "feet" from its original origin. My heart pounding, I wondered if I was witnessing a real live bona fide UFO.

Just before I texted Bre to tell her of my other-worldly experience, I realized it was a lightening bug.


The other day while cooking, I added cinnamon to the green beans. Again. My old man is getting used to new flavors these days. And now you guys know why my homemade cole slaw made our mouths numb for a week? It's hard to tell what I added to it. (Probably window cleaner instead of vinegar??)

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm getting older. It's true what they say. Eyesight goes, hearing goes, memory goes. I don't hear as well anymore either. (A little FYI...I'm deaf in my left ear so it's not really great to begin with, but if my right one goes, I'm screwed.) Case in point:

I had an argument with Brian the other day. I had gotten up from the chair and he said, "Your a__ likes to waddle."
Whipping my head around, I said, "You can bite it. How's THAT for ya?"
"You heard me, Bald Head!"
"What's your freakin' problem, woman?!"
"You used to like this a__! Well, gravity has definitely gotten its claws into you, HAH, let me tell ya!!!"
Slowly he scratched his head then quietly said, "Okay, fair enough, but what's all this got to do with getting me a GLASS of ICE and WATER?"

Let's just say I brought him the tallest, coldest glass of water I could make and I even put a straw in it. He told me to take a sip first then waited ten minutes before he drank it. After he took my vitals.

I walked out of the women's restroom at work the day before yesterday and had forgotten to zip my pants. It wouldn't have been so bad if hadn't forgotten to button them too. NOT TO MENTION that I wore two different kinds of shoes as well. They were both white sneakers, yes, but one was Nike and the other was Adidas. I'll just chalk those incidents up to fatigue. Yeah. That just SOUNDS better.

I'll just work on one problem at a time. First things first. Eye exam!

Before Brian comes home one night and finds me petting a squirrel or a raccoon because they're roughly the same color as my cat.

Goodnight, all. God bless and have a wonderful Wednesday. You are loved.

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
GREGGWEISBROD 1/9/2014 11:33PM

    Smiling from ear to ear right now, lol! :-D

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KAILYNSTAR 6/5/2012 1:36PM

    LOL! That was really funny and I sure needed a laugh! emoticon

My sight is going too, there are days I can read no problem, but then the print gets very fuzzy when I'm tired.

You're so funny!

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DARLENEK04 6/4/2012 1:18PM

  I have the same problem with my hearing. Unfortunately it seems
it is a point of dissension with David. We have had this issue since
we married next month, 8 years ago. After explaining to him that
I had one too many smacks up side the head, and consequently ear infections, he still does not "get" it. It is the one thing about me
that irritates him to no end.
Dang, and here he almost had me convinced I was as close to perfect
as anyone could be........................

ou are not alone,

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OLDERDANDRT 5/31/2012 2:38PM

    Rest assured, my are NOT alone!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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OLDERDANDRT 5/31/2012 2:37PM

    Rest assured, my are NOT alone!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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GEEMAWEST 5/30/2012 11:11PM

    I'm with Barb. I think you should keep second guessing yourself.

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CARTOONB 5/30/2012 11:05PM

    How do you know that it wasn't a UFO with transformative powers? How do you know that Brian didn't say what you thought and then quickly covered it up with the "glass" comment? Hmmm? You are not old. Not yet, anyway. Fatigue is definitely the answer...mine and yours! emoticon

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JUNIAATROME 5/30/2012 3:54PM

    On no! This is serious! She is seeing UFOs... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BKNOCK 5/30/2012 3:13PM

    Thanks for the laugh!

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LIZZYP609 5/30/2012 1:38PM

    That is GREAT! Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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QUIKSYLVER 5/30/2012 9:54AM

    emoticon Too funny!

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AJDOVER1 5/30/2012 9:20AM

    At least your sense of humor hasn't faded!

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VIMVIGOR 5/30/2012 2:00AM

  Hurrah for The Golden Years!!!

The Golden Years have come at last...
I cannot pee, I cannot see..
I cannot chew, I cannot screw..
My memory shrinks.
My hearing stinks.
No sense of smell...
I look like hell...
My body's drooping.
Got trouble pooping.
The Golden Years have come at last...
The Golden Years can kiss my a--
Around here we call them the Rusty Years!!!

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RORYLYONS 5/30/2012 1:11AM

    Hope things start looking up... emoticon

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