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I can do today and I will try again tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I am learning so much about myself on this journey. I have done some things very well and others I really struggle. I am trying to come up with my list of things to do every day. I want to do these things most every day and I know that by doing them I will feel better and the weight will come off.

But, every time I feel that I am just starting I also feel that the road is long and unpassable. Somehow this journey will never end. I worry that I will never be happy eating healthy. I will never feel fit on a walk. I will never like how look in my clothes. I will never feel like I look good again. I worry that it will never happen.

I worry so much that I will never look good in my clothes. From the front and the side. I know that I am looking better. But to look good. That is a whole other issue. So I am working to day on my daily list. Tomorrow I will put it into the goals tracker. That is a wonderful tool that I seem to have forgotten I want to use.

This list will be great for me. Not just arbitrary but, something meaningful to do from now until my birthday in October. I want to be proud of my weight on my new drivers license.

Here I go with another day one.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JCDUBEA63 6/3/2012 11:57PM

    Pam u are doing this! Think positive eat healthy exercise and u will achieve all ur goals!! U are a strong woman! Don't waste time on worrying it gets u nowhere n Also not healthy! Think about the progress u have made n will make!!

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NOTGIVINGUP49 5/30/2012 9:24PM

    I too used to think I would never be happy. I used to think I could never achieve my goals. I used to think that I would never like how I looked in the mirror. I have not achieved all of my goals--YET, but I will. My journey has had detours where I have struggled many, many times. While I have not gotten to my ultimate goal and certainly not fast enough for me, the fact remains that I am far better off where I am now than when I was at my heaviest. I still don't totally like how I look in the mirror-don't like my fat rolls, but I sure like my body far more than when I was morbidly obese. You have made much progress and whether we like it or not lasting change takes time. Until I did the work on the inside (as you are doing) I was not able to keep off the weight I lost. The one thing I would emphasize to you is that when you BELIEVE you will ACHIEVE. Keep saying it out loud and you will begin to believe it. I truly never thought I would be where I am today--and if I can move closer to my goals so can you! One more thing--you were right to say this journey will never end. We are on a journey of a healthy lifestyle and that journey doesn't end. emoticon

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KENDRACARROLL 5/30/2012 1:06AM

    That's all you need - do today!
And tomorrow - do today!
This way you'll never have to worry about the future :)

And you're right, this journey will never end, you'll just keep moving along, learning and fine-tuning as you go. Why would you want it to end? What would you do once you hit the finish line?

Keep tracking, keep exercising, small changes will keep sneaking up on you and before you know it you'll have to acknowledge that you look fabulous in your clothes.

Happy trails.

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STRINGS58 5/29/2012 7:17PM

    The worry can cause a release of cortisol which can trigger chemical which stimulate appetite emoticon I wanna channel Donkey from Shrek singing "I believe, I believe" and encourage you to go ahead and believe that what you want can actually happen! Feeling happier on the journey tends to make lots of other good things happen toooooooooooo

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NANCY- 5/29/2012 1:59PM

    "Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream."

Lao Tzu


Yikes!!! In my state we do not have to put our weight on our drivers license. I know you will fulfill your dreams.

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JUSTYNA7 5/29/2012 12:26PM

    I wonder if I will ever really look great? I bought a dress that I put on and WOW! I felt great wearing it and I wore it a lot between last fall and winter. Then we went out for my birthday this spring and someone took a picture of me standing beside a very beautiful, tall woman. I wasn't worried because I looked great in the dress, right? I recently saw the picture. Groan. I am short and fat! I look happy and I look.... well not like I thought I did! In fact it will take me a lot of coaxing to wear that dress again. And yet I got so many compliments wearing it. Was I so blind in the change room and the mirror in my bedroom?

I told a friend recently that I wanted to look desireable. She looked at me and said "there is only one person in the world I want to look desireable for and believe me, he desires me". That comment stopped me in my tracks. I have no doubt that my husband desires me. So who am I trying to look desireable for?

I guess I am saying that I still set my standards against what I see in the media. Even when I think that I have let that go, I still have ideas about what beauty is all about that may be wrong.

This IS a journey that doesn't end. I think I am "happier" eating healthy. I used to HATE the diets I was on. I have found foods that I really enjoy that are healthy. I am "happier" on a walk because I remember when I could not walk more than 50 feet. I have clothes in sizes that I have not worn in years and thrown out all the really "fat" clothes. I am my own worst critic and when I forget where I was, I can be very unhappy with all those things.

I don't know for sure what is at the end of this journey. What I am pretty sure of is if I don't do it, if I give up, I will not only go back to where I was, I will go back to where I would have been on another path by this time. They say you can only coast downhill. I still feel this is "work" but it is work that involves small changes, of saying "I can" rather than "I should".

All this said, I should have put this in my blog this morning... so I will probably cut and paste it there. I feel more motivated than I have in a while. Thank you for your blog. It challenged me to realize that this is a journey I can do.

Justyna

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