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    SLOPOKE_SAL   44,749
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In memory - our fallen hero

Monday, May 28, 2012




my baby - he was 22
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LJ32920 8/27/2012 2:49AM

  My son, my oldest, who has already served on the DMZ in Korea, in Saudi Arabia, in Bosnia, and in Kuwait, is now serving in Afghanistan. He's married, no children. The military is one of the few places he can work successfully, as he has an almost debilitating Obscessive-Compulsive Disorder. He says in the military there are few decisions, so he just does things the military way. In his specialty, he is compulsively good at it, so people cut him some slack if he insists on doing something his way. He doesn't email me. I don't know why. But I fear for him. Every day. He's Army enlisted.

My second oldest son is a naval officer. He has a wife and four girls, one in college now. He's almost got his 20 years in. He's been on submarines, in jet fighters, teaching at Annapolis, in Afghanistan, Bahrain... he's almost retired! But he just volunteered to go back to Afghanistan. Why? Why? He's a great officer. He does a great job at whatever. He'd be a great teacher... my head and gut wrench at again thinking of this wonderful and joking son going back into harm's way.

My fourth child, a daughter; my fifth child, a son; and my sixth child, my "baby" son, have all served in the military. Among them are twelve children, all "Army brats". My youngest son and my son-in-law are still active in the Reserves. I am so relieved when one of the children leaves the military. Currently I just have the two oldest over there.

I see your son was an expert marksman and airborne. One of the elite. Ranger? No doubt older in experience than is typical of his 22 years. You must have been so proud of him. Yet I personally know what you went through even before you lost your son. You had this lump of fear in your stomach every day. I am so very sorry. So sorry.

You mentioned in a comment to the SP member talking about her quiet personal room, that you need your spare room for your mother. If she doesn't need constant care, help her find a place to move to. If you have a close relationship, you can visit her often. But if she lives with you, you will both hate it.

My mom lived with me until I just couldn't do it. I had children still at home, and she'd put metal in the microwave or plastic in the toaster oven when I was gone. She'd climb up on ricketty things to get to the peanut butter or something I'd hidden because she'd eat it until she had a diabetic crisis. The children used up most of my energy and patience. I loved my mom so much, but I didn't give her enough of anything, including supervision and kindness. I finally moved and got her into a nursing home, which made us both cry. I felt like such a failure, and she felt unwanted, alone, unloved. She finally died of complications of diabetes, which I now have. I wish the plan all along had been that she'd move into a nursing home. Perhaps her diabetes wouldn't have gotten so bad, and I wouldn't have been so frazzled our relationship deteriorated.

Think carefully about caring for your mother. If she made no plans for her old age, if she has no money, she can still get into a nursing home. Her bills are not your bills. She's an adult, she made her own decisions. Nursing homes are awful, but if you visit often and complain when things are wrong, they will learn they'd better take good care of your mom or they'll hear about it. And you'll be her friend and advocate instead of her jailer and the source of contention. Even if you just drop in to visit for ten minutes every other day, it will be good. You don't have to visit for hours to have a good effect. If you have siblings, they can contribute time, too. It's not all on you. You don't need exhausted coping skills to add to your grief. I know we're supposed to care for our parents. But that is left over from an agricultural past. We aren't farmers living far apart any more. Oh, well... what do I know? Maybe you are! Again, I feel great sympathy for you for losing your soldier son. And I beg you to take care of yourself now.~Lee

Comment edited on: 8/27/2012 3:15:03 AM

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PATRISNA 6/29/2012 1:54PM

    emoticon

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CHINAGAL 5/30/2012 8:46AM

    I thought about you on Memorial Day. We can't show enough love and appreciation for our heros.

Next year we are hoping to have a Memorial Day service at Old Providence. When the time comes to start planning I would love to get your input.
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Edna

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FEDGIRL4 5/29/2012 1:58PM

    He was a hero. That is the only positive thing I think any parent, who has lost a child to war, can take from it.

I am sorry for your loss. emoticon

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DLDROST 5/28/2012 9:37PM

  my thoughts and prayers thank you

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