Monday, May 28, 2012
Where did I learn that I needed to supersize everything? Where did I learn that food was a solace and not a nutrient? Where did I learn to just shovel the food in regardless of how hungry I may or may not be? How many times have I heard in my dieting life to eat until feeling full but not stuffed? How many stories of the super fit have I read where they talk about eating smaller portions (full not stuffed)? Their ability to stop at just one (fill in the blank)? Eating off a child's menu instead of the supersize-mega-super dooper sized menu? Why have I not implemented all I have learned on how to eat in a healthy way?
I don't have all the answers.
I have justified over the years eating off the supersized menu as "saving money" because I really wanted a large drink with the main entree and it was cheaper to get the "value" menu and then of course I won't waste the food and eat it all. While I saved "money" --- I did NOT value me. If I did I would have gladly given up a few pennies for what the excess weight has done to my morale.
I don't think anyone ever "told" me about food as a solace or shoveling it or any other bad habit I have gained over the years. Some I found out on my own. Some was a circumstance of life (eat fast to get to the next item on the ever growing list of to-do's in a short time frame or taking jobs where eating while working and shoveling it in was a necessity). But all these habits have resulted in getting me to where my body is today.
I have counted points and had success until I quit counting or moved to foods that seem to take a lot of effort to calculate since it is not prepackaged. I have counted calories until again it began to be too hard to keep track of with an ever busy life. But why was everything so "hard" to keep up when the weight is even harder to deal with....and why did I ever quit?
I have had exercise plans where I have done well but eventually quit for one reason or another including can't afford the gym, not enough time in the day, etc. Why did I put myself so far down the list of important things?
Today, I exercise by doing and training for half marathons. I am not the fastest. I look far from being a runner. But these legs and this body have carried me successfully across the finish lines of 4 half marathons since 10/2011. This is the longest I have stuck with ANY exercise regimen even when the scale does not really reflect the changes I am making. I know I am improving. Each race I have a better finishing time. Each race I finish feeling better than before even when there are hills and others who know me and are there at the races see the difference.
Today, I am learning to eat to being sated, not full, not stuffed, not supersized. If I want a large drink and a small food item from a menu - I order that. Not the combo. Not supersized. The money is not worth what it does to me. I am learning that eating to being sated is not just learning when my body says enough - it requires learning the beginning signs of being hungry so that I am not ravenous by the time I eat. Being sated means slowing down and tasting food, experiencing the texture, enjoying the smell of food. Being sated means giving myself permission to NOT clean my plate ....instead I put my "too much food" into the compost bucket or the pig slop bucket. It means being able to say no to those around me who do the "but you know you want some" when I am not hungry without feeling guilty. It means being able to not eat just because those around me are eating. If I am not hungry it does not mean I have to eat to please others or be a part of. Being sated means learning the difference between being hungry and being thirsty.
Being sated means learning about me. I am statisfied in loving myself enough to not get hooked on a number on a scale. I am making improvments all the time in my abilities. I feel it no matter what the scale says. Being sated means respecting my body's cues for hunger and thirst and not being driven by guilt, emotion, or peer pressure. I will continue to walk/run the half marathons even if I am near to dead last - because I do it for me and no one else and that helps to satify my soul.
Today there is no value in the supersize for me. I am worth more than that. Today I strive to be simply sated....and that is a victory to me.