Monday, May 28, 2012
So I was working with my counselor list week about that I need to give up control. I have a really hard time giving up any kind of control in my life and have started to feel the symptoms of all the stress that leads to. I have kinda taken the FLY lady's method of a control journal and made it my own. In it, I have my calendar with meals and 2 snacks for each day planned out for the next 2 weeks, a list of daily tasks that I want to get done around the house, multiple lists one for each day of things I will do on that day. Each day of the week has a different theme. I also took a dry erase board that I had and divided it in half. One side has the daily tasks with a spot to check each item off and the other side is filled out each night for the next days items. After a long talk with Dan about how I was feeling overwhelmed about everything I am "responsible" for, he asked me what did I need to give up control over. I told him the easiest thing for me to give up my control over would be taking the incentive to get the stuff done. We together decided that if we had a list of things that I wanted done every day written out for both of us to see we could then just do it as we please through out the day.
So far it has been so much easier. I go to bed knowing that the next day I already have it planned out and I don't feel like I am going to be over whelmed with having to do it all every day.
I also have realized that I can't keep up the facade that I have placed in front of myself. I need to be real if I am ever going to succeed. So this is me being real.
I hate some aspects of my life. I hate that I can't say no to anyone. I hate that I can't stand up for myself with certain people. I allow people to walk all over me and not stop them but then get angry and stressed out about it. I am so sick and tired of people who don't consider that I can't drop everything I am do to make sure my life fits in their schedule. One of the things that really gets my blood boiling is my husband's ex's family or as I refer to them as my ex-in-laws. That is a phrase I got from the Smart Stepmom a book by Laura Petherbridge www.laurapetherbridge.co
I highly recommend that book to any woman who has step kids grown or not. It has a lot of useful information in it. And if you know a woman who is about to become a step mom get them this book as a wedding present. She will be so grateful to you!
My husband has court ordered weekly visitations with his 6 year old daughter (HW) that is suppose to be for 2 hours every week. They are supervised by HW's maternal stepgrandpa because his ex has convinced the courts that HW doesn't feel comfortable around Dan by her self. ( There is no evidence on this but the courts in the this area have to be really comfortable because of past history of crazy people) We have been working with them for over a year ( November 2009 we filed papers to get visits cause we had none at that point).
Every week usually Friday we text them to see what the plans are. Now this is a 6 year old we are talking about. I have never seen a 6 year old with so much control before. Well this week particually we asked them about Saturday around 2pm or Monday. She was gone on Saturday to a friends house so we would have to do it on Monday. So we suggested that we do the local park at 3pm. Well grandpa would have to check to see if HW wanted to do that. We never heard back from them until 11 today that oh sorry HW wants to go swimming at 2. They never take into consideration that we can't afford to do things or that we might have plans. The park has a water area that is free as well as a lake with a small beach again free.
Oh and did I mention that I can not have anything to do with HW? They even get pissed at us if Dan talks to me about their plans to make sure it doesn't mess up our schedule. My daughter who turns 1 year in 11 days has never met her big sister because they don't want to upset HW about the fact that Daddy is married. ( He was never married to her mom)
If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.