Yesterday happened something that hasn't happened in a very long time and definitely not sense I became raw vegan.. I went on a date .. yup me on a date .. what is even more shocking is that I was the one who asked the guy I didn't really cared for much, but I wanted to go to the movies and he looked like he might be fun to go with as well as I wanted to get to know him better, cause he will be renting part of my house from me, so I asked him if he wants to go to the movies and he said yes..
.. He is a SAD eater and a social drinker, but he is also an athlete and that's the part of him that draws me, I need someone to work out with and this guy is going to be my temporary roommate, so this sounded like a great idea at the time.
I didn't send any mixed signals and wasn't reading much into anything, for me this was just a social outing to get to know him better.
We wanted to go walk around this beautiful big lake, so we drove there, but got caught in the thunderstorm, so ended up just going to the downtown movie theater. We had almost an hour to kill, so we walked around downtown in the light rain and stopped at the Pub. I made sure to eat a lot of bananas before we left, so I wasn't intimidated by the smells or looks of food, he wasn't hungry either, or may be he just wasn't comfortable eating by himself, but he ordered a beer and i got a glass of water and we just talked. It was nice, again, there weren't any mixed signals that I've noticed at the time. At some point he made a joke about how I was a cheap date, I laughed back saying he hasn't seen prices in raw food restaurants.. He finished his beer and we went to the movies.
We were watching Deep Shadows with Johny Depp, he was going to cover the tickets, but I said it's only fair that I pay sense I was the one who invited him. He said he'll come over and mow the lawn tomorrow in exchange. That seemed like an awesome deal, cause I hate doing that. lol
So at some point during the movie he took and held my hand.. I should have taken my hand back, I really should have, but I didn't... it felt good, it felt like a good date and I have been along for over 5 years now, so I felt into temptation.. and then I did even stupider thing.. after the movie he leaned in to kiss me and I kissed him back
what the heck was I thinking? honestly I don't think I was thinking .. for a minute there I felt like I was 16 again and all the common sense was nonexistent..
We walked back to the car and were passing a christian store that had a big sign in the window with something like: I won't let you fall into the SIN (sin was underlined). I had tears in my eyes, I was so grateful! That reminded me of my mindset, that this is all totally wrong. When we got to the car he asked me if I want us to go to the house and here I was strong enough to say NO. I also said that I wanted to get to know him, not to sleep with him. He wished me a good night and said he will be over in the morning to take care of the lawn.
So... whole last night and this morning I was cleaning the house and thinking about the mess I got myself into. I don't want to have an actual serious relationship with him, I don't see a future in it yet.. he is a great hard working guy, Iraq vet, divorced, has few kids.. but we have nothing incommon... nothing .. well.. looks like we are attracted to each other, that's about it.. but the point is: this isn't what I need or want in the long run. I was trying to cancel his visit today or move it to another day, but he said he will be quick in and out. so I prepared a long explanation for him today so we can get on the same page, but he got in, took care of the lawn and left telling me to call him. UMMM... while I was standing there all confused he came back, cause he forgot his backpack and gave me a quick kiss on the chick and got on his bike and left... that left me even more confused.. I am telling you.. 5 years along is a long time... I am not used to sharing my space with someone else anymore and definitely out of practice...
I have his email, so me thinks I should email him and explain where I stand, cause somehow I am having a hard time using my brain around him.. and this does concern me quiet a bit...
But I did learn a great few things yesterday:
1. I can date and be 80/10/10 raw at the same time.. it might sometimes be socially awkward, but who cares?
2. The guy I go out with can be a SAD eater. ( I assume that dating another raw vegan would be so much easier, but sometime you have to work with what you were given)
3. There is a 16 year old in me starved for attention. (umm... not sure what to do about that yet)
4. All I have to do is say NO!
After all said and done I am still glad I went out last night, it was long overdue.. I didn't take pictures of my food, but I was perfectly 90/5/5 with no overs all day, a little underate due to not having my usual big dinner salad, but I came home too late and just went to sleep.
Next time I'm grabbing some dates with, they might be fun to snack on in the movies.. oh .. wait.. next time?