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    AUTUMNREANNE127   2,480
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Relationships...(nee
ds suggestions)

Sunday, May 27, 2012

So I'm not sure if anyone else has felt this or had this kind of thought, but I want to write a little about it.
So I am 19 and have never had a real boyfriend before and for whatever reason, within myself, I have decided that I don't want to be in a relationship with someone until I am comfortable with my body and can fully love myself. I mean that's reasonable, right? It may sound a bit strange coming from someone who may be pretty young, but I have been told I have many years on me regardless of my 'actual' age. Anyways...when I started high school is very much wanted a boyfriend, like most teenage girls would, but since I wasn't comfortable with myself I wasn't attracting a boyfriend I suppose. I think I was attracting to be left alone, until I am comfortable with myself, and can give my whole self to someone. Well now that I have been in college a few years, I am soo much wanting a boyfriend, not just to have one, but to have another person to spend time with, to love, and get love in return. I feel that I am half and half ready and not ready. Part of me sooooo very much wants a boyfriend, but the other half is still stuck in that "i am not all that happy with my appearance and self so how can I be loved fully by someone else if I don't fully love myself" kinda thing. So I feel stuck. Any suggestions, ideas???
I think also, since I haven't had a real boyfriend relationship I may feel scared about whether it'll work out or not, which seems a little silly to wonder if a relationship will work out or not, when I don't have one in the first place emoticon. As you can see, I am kind of driving myself crazy with this back and forth stuff.
I feel that I want something so real and raw, just pure and genuine love. That is what I want a relationship to be. I want commitment and the pure want and desire.
Now, I am unsure if much of this makes sense, because it is hard for me to bring out of my head what I am thinking regarding me going back and forth with wanting a relationship and thinking I should wait to focus on that until I am fully loving me. ...Help?
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AUTUMNREANNE127 5/29/2012 10:44AM

    Thank you guys for the comments!
Jenny- what you're saying makes sense, and I think is what I have been trying to get out haha. I feel that someone will come along when I least expect it, I just hope its soon!
Mishamw- thank you for sharing your story with me. See, I believe that as well. I think you do need to have respect and a lot of love for youself before you and someone else can really be in a healthy positive relationship.
Thank you!!! emoticon

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MISHAMW 5/28/2012 5:33PM

    I didn't really read the other comments, so if my little story is similar, I apologize! I never really wanted to date. I just thought I was suppose to. So in college the first guy that liked me, I dated. It ended up bad, because I was doing what I though I was suppose to do (stupid society). Fast forward 5 years and 40 pounds more. I meet a great guy. Funny, sweet, totally immature. He always told me how pretty I was. It got the point that I didn't and still don't believe him. Since I didn't believe in this aspect, it made me really start to think. Was he just using me for sex? If I lost weight and my boobs got smaller would he still like me? If I denied him sex would he care? I hung out with him one last time before he went to Afghanistan and I came to a very interesting conclusion. I really really don't like him. In fact, I hate him. It's like spending time and talking to a 13 year old boy. He annoyed me. But because I wasn't secure in myself and I was still doing what society told me to do, I ended up screwing with myself and him as well. I don't have the heart to tell him, especially since he's over seas with the Army that I really want nothing to do with him. It's sad, as a 25 year old women that I have to do this but I do.

Now, why did I just tell a complete stranger this? Because if you don't love yourself, if you aren't happy with yourself, if you don't absolutely believe in yourself, someone is going to get hurt.

Love yourself first, then you can expand your heart to include another! Good luck!

PS. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 20, then this last guy when I was 24...so yeah....no rush!

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JENNYJANEMARIE 5/28/2012 10:44AM

    I'm 24 and I've never dated. Many of my closest friends are guys, but one of them is now in the seminary and two are becoming monks! I believe that when the time is right, the perfect man will come along and sweep me off my feet, but in the meantime, while I wait, I figure it's a perfect time to get in shape! Yes, I've heard the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" but I'm still pretty sure attractiveness plays some sort of role in a normal healthy relationship.

So my advice? Keep working to stay in shape, if an opportunity arise to date, go for it, and when the right guy comes along, be pleasantly surprised! :)

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AUTUMNREANNE127 5/27/2012 11:18PM

    Thank you guys for the comments! I agree, i'm thinking too much haha. I think I just have to let go of the reins and let whatever happen happen. I do love myself very much, I just guess i'm not comfortable in my skin completely. Well, I appreciate the comments and thoughts! It makes me feel good to know I have a support system here :)


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QUIXOTIC-HOPE 5/27/2012 5:27PM

    I know how you feel. I didn't start dating until I was 20 (well, a month before I turned 20). I had a few crushes in middle school, but it wasn't until I went to college that I really started wanting a boyfriend and feeling like I missing out on something. Then my sister introduced me to this guy. I didn't really like him that much at first, but we started talking more, and then we started dating, and now we've been together for three years. We had some issues in the beginning that we probably wouldn't have had if I had been happier with myself back then, but I was lucky enough to find a very patient, loving guy who helped me deal with my issues. I still have issues, but I also have a partner who helps cheer me up when I'm feeling bad about myself. Just make sure that you don't let your self-doubt make you do something you wouldn't normally do. :)

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JABBYJABBY 5/27/2012 4:01PM

    it will probably happen when you least expect it and i dont think it is something you can plan or control too much. have a bit of faith in the idea what will be will be.
as for not loving yourself i think you can still have a very strong and good relationship with someone else regardless of what you think about yourself if they are the right person and supportive.
and i agree with the the comment above too
good luck

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MAMAMANDA83 5/27/2012 4:01PM

    I agree! Don't over think it so much. You can wait until you're more comfortable with yourself, but you don't have to. If you're ready to start dating I say get out there and do it.

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JERILYN1952 5/27/2012 3:51PM

    I think you're thinking too much!

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