Life's Not Fair. Except When It Is.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
I had a great weigh-in this week -- five pounds lost, bringing my total up so far, after 8 weeks, to 17.2 pounds lost-- and I'm stunned!
I'm not shocked that I've lost weight. I've lost 17 pounds before -- hell, I've lost 75 pounds before, I know what it feels like to be thinner, to see my waistline shrink.
No, what's shocking me this go-around is how freaking *easy* it's been -- and if it means what I think it means, well, I'm gonna have a bone to pick with the universe. More on the bone-picking in a sec...
Here's the set-up: this time around, I've done three things differently:
1) I'M EATING MORE THAN I'VE EVER EATEN ON A DIET BEFORE
In the past when I've done Spark, I've ignored their calorie range because it was always seemed so ridiculously high! I mean, I'm a big girl, so my computer-generated calorie range is higher than most, I suspect, but this time around I decided to go with it to see what would happen.
Here's my usual self-directed range: 1200-1400 calories a day, if I'm being "sensible" (and if I'm being "non-sensible", the floor's the limit. Case in point: 1990's three-month experiment in eating nothing but popcorn -- for real -- couldn't have involved more than 800 calories a day, if that).
Here's my current Sparkpeople-generated range: 1520-1870 calories a day. At this range, I get a small dessert at lunch *and* dinner. Plus, pizza without too much juggling. A beer now and again. And I'm gloriously full most days!
2) I'M WORKING OUT LESS THAN I EVER HAVE BEFORE
Well, I mean, technically not less than I *ever* have before (three years sitting on a couch watching "Survivor" is likely the *least* amount I've ever done) -- but I'm absolutely working out less than I ever have before while trying to lose weight.
Every other time I've tried, I've worked out 5-7 days a week. Whether it's been working out at home to exercise tapes, going to a gym and alternating lifting with cardio, swimming my daily laps, worshipping at the Church of Tony Horton every morning or just walking a few miles through the park at lunch -- once I realized I couldn't lose weight by just popcorn alone, I've been committed to 30 minutes or more of exercise a day.
This time, I'm working out just three times a week, for 40-55 minutes each time. That's it. Monday, Wednesday, Saturday. Dunzo. No worrying about whether today is arms or legs, no elliptical, no pilates, no effing yoga, not this time -- because...
3) THIS TIME, I'M RUNNING
(Although just barely -- I can still only run two minutes at a time, I just do it a bunch of times.)
I've mentioned in previous blogs that I started down this journey when suddenly I looked around me and saw all these successful runners in my life. The PTA Mommies had started their running group, my boss completely transformed her body in a single year by developing an obsession with running. The world seemed like it was trying to tell me something, so for once I shut up and listened and started my C25K training.
And I effing hate running -- but lately I've been trying to come to terms with my hate.
So: Eat More, Workout Less, Run.
For real, universe?
This is my secret formula? This is the plan that I've dreamed about, the one easy-peasy diet that makes the weight just fall off, the one I can stick to for the rest of my life and live out my days skinny?
(Cue the unicorns and rainbows)
Seriously, if this turns out to be THE secret to my weightloss, I'm gonna be pissed.
Eat MORE? Workout LESS? And of all the workouts I've ever done in my whole life, it has to be RUNNING? When I think of all the starving, all the complex workouts, all the equipment I've bought over the years and all of the wasted time and mental effort that's gone into dieting throughout my 40-something years on this planet -- it's not effing FAIR!
When I think about all the denial, all the time I've hated myself and my situation and the answer's been so simple and right there all along. I'm flabbergasted. I'm gobsmacked. I'm another-funny-word-that-means-
And I know I should be happier, I should be 100% over the moon that something simple is working, even if it does involve running. And I am, I'm happy for the weight loss and I'm happy to see the numbers drop on the scale, but I can't help but feel sad for the years of hard work and denial. If life was fair, those Herculean efforts should've paid off, not this relatively moderate effort.
Although, it does mean I have to run, this one thing that's really hard for me to do. In that instance, I suppose, an argument for fairness could be made.
And one could argue that karmically, I'm due some weight loss success, however it comes.
So, maybe fairness is where you find it.
And maybe it's better not to talk about it too much for fear of jinxing the whole damn thing.
I don't know how long this plan will pay off -- I mean, it could be just the result of a shock to the system and it could stop working next week for all I know.
All I know is that for now, it's working.