Saturday, May 26, 2012
tonight, i was doing my quiet times, and i realized, wrote, cut and pasted the following: my sin separates me from God. not just eating. but the lying the deceitfulness, the stealing of it all. and here God sent Jesus to die for that crap! no wonder it is described here as hating God. it is certainly disrespecting him. it is certainly thinking we are getting away with some thing we are really not... and i should look at how i do this sin, the same way i see my daughter and her drug addiction. how i kind of smiled, and said "really? you really think you are conning me? you really think i don't know what you are doing? do you really think i am that stupid? that is hilarious!" and i now see for a solid fact that that is exactly how God fees about me when i sin, and i try to tell him it's no big deal, or i try to hide it from him, . i pray i will never forget this moment when i realized that. that i use it to convict me not just about this over eating. but about ALL sins in my life...
i want to be at this place in my life where i see that sin of overeating and i just feel sickened about it. that i not harden myself to how utterly disrespectful it is to God. that i don't look at it and say: what's the big deal. or try to rationalize it. or try to explain it away. i am saying this stuff to a man who sent his son to die for that. how can i ignore it and pretend it is not wrong? and how do i dare justify someone having to die for it? and it wasn't his fault, and he didn't commit the sin! i did!
i am sooo tired. i am falling asleep while i type. i need to go to bed.