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Its Alive!! (Kinda, sorta...pretty much)

Friday, May 25, 2012

Yup, I'm alive and kicking, just right now, the kicks are pretty low to the ground and kinda slow. Forgive me if this blog seems a lil jumbled, I'm just sort of writing as I think.

I'm feeling a lil unmotivated, lost, and sad and feel like I'm just never going to be able to get back into shape, to get into a healthy eating routine and never find new friends and a new man.

It was easy to blame my hectic schedule when I was also in school; it didn't leave me much time to work out and to cook good, healthy meals. But school is over. And hell, I wasn't always in school, so what was the excuse then? I'm freakin fabulous at planning to eat right and move right, but I falter at the execution. And the few times that I have been successful at the execution, my follow thru sucks. Its so incredibly frustrating because I can see it happening but don't seem to do anything about it. Its not like I don't want this. I DO. I want it all.

It doesn't help that my personal life isn't all that it can possibly be. Take for example, this holiday weekend. I have absolutely no plans. Not one call inviting me to a BBQ. No invites to the beach. No nights planned out to see the fireworks. It makes me sad. And I also think, well I'm not doing anything this weekend, so that leaves me TONS of time to workout and eat better. But in the back of my mind, I know this probably isn't going to happen. I can't seem to stop the cycle. Its like, I wish someone would just do it all for me, if that makes sense. Its like I'm just not willing to put in the effort and time to get it done. What the heck?! I'm getting kinda pissed at myself.

I cannot tell you how awesome I think all of you are that have done it. That have lost the weight, that have made the necessary changes. I'm in awe. I can't imagine how much you've given of yourself to accomplish what you have. Is there anyone out there who has felt this way? Any suggestions??

BTW, sorry to be a downer. Sometimes this is the only place I have to let it out.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    LeeLee - You got some wonderful advice. I want to add one thing. You aren't alone but you may feel like you are because you aren't on Azure! This is what I'd like to suggest. We miss you and we were looking forward to rocking it with you when you graduated so now is the time. We have time to play and challenge each other and care and share now. Log on and show up on Azure once a day and talk to us - tell us how you're feeling. Let us be there with you and for you please! Together we CAN!
    2091 days ago
  • AMBER281
    Just take one step and one day at a time!
    2092 days ago
    One step at a time. One decision at a time. emoticon
    2096 days ago
    emoticon now that you have gotten it out and you can see that it pisses you off what are you going to do?
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2096 days ago
  • TEKRU1
    I've read some of the advice people have offered and hope it has helped. We all struggle with moving forward and getting overwhelmed, especially at a big transition time like this. Make a plan, think baby steps and keep reaching out. We're here and we care!
    2096 days ago
  • PRIZM96
    I don't know what I could really add, since these girls had some awesome ideas. But, just know, Leanne, that we are ALL here for you and have at some time, if not right now, feel the same way you do. This is such a tough thing to accomplish. Soooooo many aspects beyond diet and exercise.
    YOU are worth every ounce of energy it takes to "fix" it. YOU are worth happiness. YOU deserve to love yourself. YOU are worth it all.
    I hope you find your "happy" soon. Until then, fake it...... you're sure to come around. Love you!
    2097 days ago
    The others have a lot of great advice. I particularly agree with the suggestions to start small and to take things one step at a time. I often get overwhelmed by, well, yes--school, family commitments, social commitments, etc., and trying to juggle a healthy lifestyle--which means takes time and energy--on top of all that can be a really daunting task. Also, I've been struggling with hip pain for 10 years now, and that can be really discouraging because it feels sometimes like I'm broken and can't do anything. So when I get really stressed by it all and, worse dropping balls right left and center, I refocus on a few things. Like maybe drinking my water, or eating fruits and veggies, or getting in at least 20 minutes of activity, even if it's just walking. I also remind myself of how far I have already come--maybe not in terms of weight loss (since I haven't) but in terms of things like strength, flexibility, endurance, improvements in my diet, in things like my blood cholesterol, my pain levels, etc.

    And when I have a hard time motivating myself to get up and move, I try a number of tricks:

    1) I remind myself of why I'm doing this (vision collages can be good for this)
    2) I remind myself of what will probably happen if I keep NOT exercising (starting with ballooning up like a marshmallow with painful joints)
    3) I tell myself to go and at least try. If I really am too sore/tired etc. then at least I tried. Most of the time once I get started I get in a good workout.
    4) Baby steps are okay for working out. Most of my exercise right now is in the form of relatively short walks (about 2 miles). When I started, I was walking less than half of that distance.
    5) Mix things up and be willing to negotiate and compromise with myself. If I had planned to go for a walk but can't stand the idea (maybe it's really hot and humid outside, or rainy) than maybe I can go to the gym instead, or plunk in a dvd.
    6) Bribes. Not food bribes, a that defeats the purpose, but maybe I tell myself I can't start that new book I'm dying to try until after I go for a walk. Things like that. Or maybe that I will treat myself to a long bath because I could really use the R&R (plus it helps sore muscles).
    2099 days ago
    Okay I know it is overwhelming to begin any plan. But sometimes the easiest way to tackle is to change one thing at a time.

    For example if you are following TSD for the first week concentrate on just having your 3 shakes each day. Then the next week focus on adding in your 2 entrees...then the third week working on the fruit/veggie servings (minimum of 5). After that becomes easy then work on the exercise.

    Don't be so hard on yourself if loosing weight was easy then none of us would be struggling so hard.

    I hope today is going better for you and if you were up my way you would be invited to join me in and entree & freggies...

    Have a great day.
    2099 days ago
    The only time in my life when losing weight actually happened was when I was in a happy relationship with a man and my career was going well. (All of those things I still have, so the weight is still coming off) I ran to food for comfort when I was down. I understand it. Just remember - don't let your size or self-esteem keep you from getting out there and making friends and finding relationships. Most of our self-consciousness comes from our own minds - it's not really what others are thinking. Find happiness and weight loss will follow.
    2099 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/26/2012 11:26:56 AM
    I read lately a lady who has lost a lot of weight and who still needs to lose a lot. She said that take for instance going to the gym. She didn't want to go and she told herself that that was o.k. BUT what would she be doing if she had gone to the gym, how would she be feeling?? And then she did it. She decided that if she'd done it she would be feeling tired but with a sense of accomplishment. That she'd come home and enjoy a cup of tea etc....
    I really thought this was a great idea. Not to make yourself but to think how you would be feeling, what you would be doing if you did do something!!
    Hope this makes sense :)
    I definitely know what your going through. You do have a lot of support here.
    2099 days ago
    emoticon Girlee! ALL of us have different things that we struggle with. I suggest starting SMALL! And concentrating in ONE area. It can get overwhelming to try to tackle it all at one time. For me, I found I gave up more quickly when trying to change too much in my life. So when I had my wake-up call I started in one area, counting calories/portion control. After about a month or so (once I was comfortable with that), I started to add fitness, something fun! I LOVED Dancing with the Stars programs! I was exercising, but didn't really view it as exercise (at the time) because it felt more like a fun activity, so I looked forward to doing it!

    I STILL have a long way to go, but I HONESTLY feel that because I took ONE step at a time, that I have been able to continue my journey EVEN when my journey doesn't seem to be going the way I think it should! Does that make sense??

    (((HUGS))) Please remember you HAVE support! we are here for you!!!
    2099 days ago
    At a different point in my life I did feel like you do.
    I have a few suggestion to throw out there.....

    Do a search on SparkPeople for your current issues and see how other people have dealt with it. You will find relevant Spark articles, bloggers, teams, threads and this will help you get ideas.

    Go to a bookstore or library and read something that strikes your fancy. At least you will know what you're interested in. Don't need to buy anything, just spend some time there soaking it all in. I find that very stimulating because you are aware of all the movement of ideas around you....all the wisdom that is available. You can know that you are not alone and that there are ideas out there that can help you.

    Go to a park or other outdoor location and take in the grandeur of nature and activity. You are one with this. You are a part of this. The life force flows through you. Feel the breeze and sun on your skin. Look at the blue sky.
    The same beauty and energy that they manifest is part of you and you are part of it. Great if you can interact with it by swimming, fishing, boating,
    feeding/petting animals, playing with children, etc., etc.

    Think about your whole life (even as a child) and list the things that you did that you loved doing.........let it flow, don't censor..........
    Then, think about how you can incorporate some of those activities into your current life. Take one step in the direction and then take another step in the path of your greatest pleasures (all the better if they are legal, non-fattening, and is not sedentary). Only you can know what makes you feel good.
    Even if you would say, "Gosh, darn, I think my greatest pleasure is eating."
    You could try some healthy recipes and set a beautiful table.....cook for a friend.

    I will be interested in seeing how this goes for you!!!

    2100 days ago
    Sounds like you need a way to make it fun and interesting for you!!

    You could also try giving yourself rewards for exercising daily. Is there a movie you want to see, or own? Do your exercises for a week....then reward yourself with that movie (or whatever you might be interested in)

    After a while using the reward system, you won't need it anymore. Your reward will be stepping on that scale and seeing lower numbers....and shopping for new clothes.

    2100 days ago
    I have zero weekend plans, too.. except for working at church Sunday.

    Despite losing 39 lbs since last July, and overall feeling pretty successful -
    I'm really struggling to get moving today at all. I'm having severe PMS and have just eaten about 950 calories at dinner a couple hours ago and I'm so full I don't want to move! I know I'd feel better if I work out - if I don't puke, that is.. but ugh.. can't get myself to go!

    USUALLY, if I tell myself to just do 10 minutes - or do ONE of the exercise routines on here.. or get up and dance to THREE songs.. that will do it - and I ALMOST always do more than 10 minutes.. But now.. not yet.

    2100 days ago
    Like the others - it's time to get it in gear. Wake up tomorrow morning and take a walk. It doesn't matter how far or where you walk but do this as a time to reflect and prioritize your goals. You are worth it!! You have friends @ SparkPeople!
    2100 days ago
    I agree with the other ladies! Plan a kickbutt weekend for yourself! I am doing this too- no huge plans here either. I am looking forward to starting a running program- got hoodwinked into signing up for a 10-miler so must train!

    Going to the movies, going shopping, trying a new recipe and checking out movies you've been too busy to watch. Go to a fitness class you've never tried! (these are my plans for the weekend by the way- new class kangoo jumps- i will look like a fool but I will enjoy it!!)

    Huge emoticon
    2100 days ago
  • JENBUG28
    I agree with Sabrina. I think posting this is step #1 to getting your butt in gear! :) What do you need from me? I can text you daily, hourly, secondly (not sure that is a word)... I can watch your trackers... Anything you need girl I am here for you! This weekend is a great time to get your focus back! Start the day with a healthy decision, then another, then another and you will be golden! You got this!! :)
    2100 days ago
    Awww sweetie, I'm right here with ya! I've felt that way, and still do. It's always icky, and never fun. But you can make it a fun filled weekend with some activity mixed in and make it something that makes YOU better. In doing so, you will feel better, and keep going. And I'm here for you. My suggestion is to keep reaching out, and we'll help carry you through this tough weekend.
    2100 days ago
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