Friday, May 25, 2012
Yup, I'm alive and kicking, just right now, the kicks are pretty low to the ground and kinda slow. Forgive me if this blog seems a lil jumbled, I'm just sort of writing as I think.
I'm feeling a lil unmotivated, lost, and sad and feel like I'm just never going to be able to get back into shape, to get into a healthy eating routine and never find new friends and a new man.
It was easy to blame my hectic schedule when I was also in school; it didn't leave me much time to work out and to cook good, healthy meals. But school is over. And hell, I wasn't always in school, so what was the excuse then? I'm freakin fabulous at planning to eat right and move right, but I falter at the execution. And the few times that I have been successful at the execution, my follow thru sucks. Its so incredibly frustrating because I can see it happening but don't seem to do anything about it. Its not like I don't want this. I DO. I want it all.
It doesn't help that my personal life isn't all that it can possibly be. Take for example, this holiday weekend. I have absolutely no plans. Not one call inviting me to a BBQ. No invites to the beach. No nights planned out to see the fireworks. It makes me sad. And I also think, well I'm not doing anything this weekend, so that leaves me TONS of time to workout and eat better. But in the back of my mind, I know this probably isn't going to happen. I can't seem to stop the cycle. Its like, I wish someone would just do it all for me, if that makes sense. Its like I'm just not willing to put in the effort and time to get it done. What the heck?! I'm getting kinda pissed at myself.
I cannot tell you how awesome I think all of you are that have done it. That have lost the weight, that have made the necessary changes. I'm in awe. I can't imagine how much you've given of yourself to accomplish what you have. Is there anyone out there who has felt this way? Any suggestions??
BTW, sorry to be a downer. Sometimes this is the only place I have to let it out.