Friday, May 25, 2012
Until a few minutes ago I was feeling like a hopeless failure. Fortunately for me, out of the blue I had a shining moment of clarity - and an insight that I must cling to for dear life (and better health).
But let me back up a minute.
Last week I had a physical, and my weight shocked me.
My blood pressure was on the high side, and that was unusual for me.
Yesterday I saw my lipid panel results, and they were NOT good.
I also saw my thyroid test results, and they appeared to be within the normal range.
I haven't seen the results for my blood sugar test yet, so I'm hopeful (but also realistic).
Sadly, NONE of these things motivated me - I just felt more guilt and shame, which made me want to comfort myself with food, as usual.
However as of some time yesterday afternoon, I have been in pain and can't get comfortable. I'm not sure why it hurts or what i did, but my left knee is hurting constantly. Okay let's be truthful here - self-deception won't get me anywhere. I know "why" - it's because I've been carrying around an extra 100 pounds for many years!
It makes me sad to admit it, but the truth is that for me, pain is probably the greatest motivator - or maybe I should say that it forces me to face reality head-on.
At any rate, as I said at the beginning of this honest "confession" blog entry - I had a moment of clarity earlier. Suddenly I thought "I can only change myself ONE choice at a time"!
Now, instead of feeling hopeless and overwhelmed, I feel empowered!
After all, I worked myself into this poor health by thousands of tiny choices which added up to something large. (No pun intended.) So the reverse is possible also. I can make ONE positive healthy choice at a time, ONE moment at a time - which will add up to becoming a healthier and more positive person!
As silly as it may sound, I wrote a reminder of that on a post-it note and put it in my room where I will see it often. From now on I will be working on reprogramming my habits, so I will probably need to remind myself frequently. In fact, maybe I need to put that reminder in other places as well - it certainly can't hurt. People who see my post-its might think it's silly - but I am going to CHOOSE to not care, because ...
I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF ME!