“Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all the barriers
within yourself that you have built against it.”
~ Jalal ad-Din Rumi


I am approaching this new start with tenderness and love for myself. One of the harder parts of the Bikram Yoga is focusing on my own eyes in the mirror – I can’t work out and deceive myself that I am one of the cute girls in the class – I have to be aware of who I am and where I am and honor that with acceptance and love. But my monkey mind bounces between accepting and honoring and wanting things to be different.

I got back to where I am heath wise by not liking my body and not treating it with love and respect. I stuffed my feelings with food. I and full of remorse and regret for having regained the weight and lost strength, and yet I have to do better without focusing on the past and those regrets.

This feels like a very fine line to be walking. Much like that line in yoga that I missed the other night between pushing yourself to stretch just a little bit more and honoring your body with breath and rest. I need to learn to feel what I feel, both physically and emotionally and to do what is right by those feelings.

"Remember what you are & let this knowing
take you home to the Beloved with every breath.
Hold tenderly who you are & let a deeper knowing
colour the shape of your humanness.
There is nowhere to go. What you are looking for is right here.
Open the fist clenched in wanting & see what you already hold in your hand."
~Oriah from The Call