Where I have been, where I am going and why for once I am really proud of who I am!

Friday, May 25, 2012

I have been on Sparkpeople for just over a year now. I dont have a great story in terms of weightloss to tell, in fact if you look at what I weighed then and what I weigh now it actually shows that in all that time, I gained a pound! This is not strictly true, I did actually lose almost 20lb at one point and I was very very proud that I had managed to achieve that. I am very proud of EVERYTHING that I have achieved in the past year. emoticon

'So if you are a pound heavier than you were a year ago, what are you so proud of?' I hear you ask. SO many things! emoticon When I first started doing this I was a young obese woman who felt like a failure, someone who had little to no confidence, hated the way she looked and frequently allowed herself to be walked over.....NO MORE!! Am I completely cured of my obsession for what people think of me? No. Am I the most confident person on the planet? No BUT I am definatly on the right path to fixing all of the above and more and that to me is better than any number on the scales.

I have taken a couple of breaks from this site recently and this is when I regained my weight. I needed to concentrate on other areas of my life and so that is what I did. I actually figured the weight is the least of my problems and accepted that it wasnt a problem to put this on the back burner for a while. A year ago looking at all my problems as a whole would have sent me into a panic, it would have overwhelmed me and I would have broken down...not since being on this site! For the first time in my whole life I didnt have to fix everything NOW. I didnt panic, instead I took my problems and tackled them one by one. I still have plenty and believe me I have a LONG way to go...but this doesnt scare me any more. For once I actually feel in control and that in itself is definately something to be proud of.

I have had quite a few changes in my life recently with things like health and money, general ones that I dont really want to get into but there are a few changes however that I dont mind shouting from the rooftops! - like in terms of tackling my confidence issues. I have been forcing myself into situations that I would normally avoid. Anyone who knows me knows I dont do anything by myself I am too self concious. A couple of weeks ago I joined a gym with a friend (previously I had exercised at home because I couldnt bring myself to go in and join one alone)and although I didnt join alone I did go a few days later and do a workout...alone! This may not be much for anyone else but this is a huge step for me so I am very proud of myself!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Another thing to be proud of ( and the main reason for gaining my weight back I believe!) is that 73 days ago I gave up smoking ...cold turkey! It was a struggle but wow it was worth it! Im feeling so much healthier and things taste and smell so much better. I am so so proud of myself for this I have never ever managed to get past a few days before but 73 days is unbelievable and I will never ever touch another cigarette again. Ever.

The main things that I have got out of the past year is that worrying solves nothing! Beating yourself up only makes things worse and if you want something bad enough you will fight for it! So here I am again a year on fighting for that goal weight. I KNOW that I will achieve it this time and keep it! Do I feel bad that I have regained the weight and have to start again? NO! I am so proud of where I have been and cannot wait to see where I am going! This has been a rollercoaster ride and Ive learnt so much about myself. I needed to do those things to be where I am now and I cannot wait to see what my future brings.

Again I thank sparkpeople for helping me realise I am worth it and my beautiful spark friend shellybabe2 who has been with me every step of the way you are amazing emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Keep pushing forward, we can all do this one step at a time emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon on tackling so many things in your life. Weight is often a bi product of problems in other areas of our lives, deal with them and then we can deal with the weight.

    Glad to know tyou are still here emoticon
    2121 days ago
    What a great blog! I'm really happy for your successes so far! It doesn't matter at all that you've regained the weight. You've given a great gift to your body and your health by quitting smoking! And I know how hard it is for a self-conscious person with self-confidence below zero to visit the gym alone! I know because I've been there! In fact I'm still away from the gym but for other reasons. So, all I have to say is CONGRATULATIONS! I'm really happy to see you back here. And I'm wishing you many more successful and fruitful years here on SP.
    2121 days ago
    You have much to be proud of. You've come a long way in one year.
    2121 days ago
    another ex-smoker to say Bravo! that was the very hardest thing i ever did, bar none. much harder than starting to run at 59! as you've held on to some of your spark habits and are exercising ... you'll do it. you sound ready.
    go for it.
    2121 days ago
    What a fantastic blog. You have done what many people cannot do and stopped smoking. This deserves huge kudos because it is the biggest thing you can do for your health.
    Let's worry about the weight tomorrow, today is for celebrating!
    2121 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    but most of all emoticon

    Wow great post and when you have moments of doubt and are struggling you should come back and read this post in particular because in this past year you have come so far. You've achieved so much and if we could just bottle that feeling of satisfaction and achievement it could carry us the rest of our days, unfortunately it doesn't always last but at least you have a reminder on here that should help!

    You haven't given up with any of it and that is all on you - very well done & am so pleased to have you back here again!

    emoticon won't be long before we're both emoticon lol take care & wishing you lots of success for this part of your journey :))
    2121 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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