Thursday, May 24, 2012
Wow. What a crazy ride this week has been. I had so many people encourage me for making good choices when I was an emotional wreck and then when I found out that my dad did not have cancer, I have been eating like crazy because I am so "relieved". How does that make any sense?
Then this weekend was a holiday weekend in Canada and it was also my birthday, so let's just say the weekend involved lots of cake, chips, wine, parties, shopping, dinner out, visiting and very little exercise.
It's so easy to "relax" because I'm celebrating.
So on Monday I went got on the scale and was not surprised that I had gained 3 pounds, but today I've lost 2 so I'm not going to adjust my ticker until I weigh what it says again.
Sparkpeople is tricky that way. When you gain weight and adjust your ticker up, it says nothing, but if you lose it again, it gives you credit, so it seems like I'm doing better than I have because I can gain and lose the same 2 pounds and SP will broadcast the 2 pound loss every time...lol
I am just amazed at how fast old habits come back. As you know, I have made a choice to live with junk food in my house. When I am struggling, I can really regret that choice because it's so easy to keep reaching and reaching for the cookie jar.
I did the tame your sweet tooth challenge and did a pretty good job of not eating a lot of sugar. But after a week of having sugary stuff almost every day, I am back to craving it again.
After months of consistently run/walking 3 times a week I find myself having a week go by without going for a run.
Today I made myself go out and instead of running for 3 min intervals I could only do 2 minute intervals. BUT AT LEAST I RAN.
I am determined to stay in my calorie range for the first time in a week.
I will bust through this plateau and I will continue.
I am so happy with the person I am becoming.
I am celebrating who I am now.
As I've shared in a previous blog, I am at my "starting weight" that I was at the first time I was successful with losing weight.
This time around, I am being a lot more careful with what I decide to clothe myself with. I've been doing some reading and I've developed a mild addiction to the show "What not to wear". What I love about that show is that they take ordinary people and dress them well and show them how they can be beautiful as they are right now. Old people, tall people, short people, fat people, everyone can look beautiful if you clothe yourself with things that flatter you and that fit. I am learning about what is flattering to my body shape and taking risks--trying new things (like skirts and dresses).
So, this time around I am taking chances with my wardrobe: Skirts to the knee instead of to the ankle. Pencil skirts instead of billowy peasant skirts. Belts at the ribcage to define a waist instead of long flowy things that make you look huge.
So easy to hide yourself and your body behind shapeless clothes but I'm learning that big clothes makes you look bigger.
I bought I top that is a size 14! That is victory because I used to wear a a 2X. It's tighter than I'm used to wearing but it's the proper fit and I got so many compliments.
Someone told me that I look thinner than I've ever been and it makes me laugh because I am actually about 45 pounds away from my thinnest ever, but because I am wearing things that fit and flatter I look thinner.
So even though I am disappointed with my behaviour this week I am giving myself grace and deciding to change. I am being kind to myself now.
In the past I would have worn old shapeless clothes because I don't "deserve" to spend money on myself if I am just going to be out of the size soon anyway.
I am investing in nice belts until it's really clear that my pants won't do anymore. I am drying my pants in the dryer instead of hanging them. I am buying jackets that just barely fit but still close so that they will do for now and later.
I will buy things that I love and wear them alot so that when they don't fit anymore I can happily say goodbye to them and embrace something new. But I buy things that fit NOW not 10 pounds from now.
Having clothes that don't fit just makes you feel defeated, plus you are not embracing yourself NOW. If your goal is to "fit back into that ____" and you lose 30 pounds and that ________ still doesn't fit, how does that make you feel? You are measuring your success by the wrong standard. Sometimes that ___won't ever fit again because when you grow older and have a few kids, your body changes. My ribcage got bigger after my kids. I am broader in the shoulders now than when I was 20. When you start going through menopause, many people get a bigger gut and their breasts increase again.
Your body redistributes its fat so 40 year old you at a certain weight won't fit into the same clothes that 30 year old you wore when you were that same weight.
Of course, it is fun to find things that used to not fit and now they do.
But I don't buy things that don't fit as incentive. It's self destructive.
Hope everyone is having a great week.