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Old Habits and New Clothes

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Wow. What a crazy ride this week has been. I had so many people encourage me for making good choices when I was an emotional wreck and then when I found out that my dad did not have cancer, I have been eating like crazy because I am so "relieved". How does that make any sense?

Then this weekend was a holiday weekend in Canada and it was also my birthday, so let's just say the weekend involved lots of cake, chips, wine, parties, shopping, dinner out, visiting and very little exercise.

It's so easy to "relax" because I'm celebrating.

So on Monday I went got on the scale and was not surprised that I had gained 3 pounds, but today I've lost 2 so I'm not going to adjust my ticker until I weigh what it says again.

Sparkpeople is tricky that way. When you gain weight and adjust your ticker up, it says nothing, but if you lose it again, it gives you credit, so it seems like I'm doing better than I have because I can gain and lose the same 2 pounds and SP will broadcast the 2 pound loss every

I am just amazed at how fast old habits come back. As you know, I have made a choice to live with junk food in my house. When I am struggling, I can really regret that choice because it's so easy to keep reaching and reaching for the cookie jar.

I did the tame your sweet tooth challenge and did a pretty good job of not eating a lot of sugar. But after a week of having sugary stuff almost every day, I am back to craving it again.
After months of consistently run/walking 3 times a week I find myself having a week go by without going for a run.
Today I made myself go out and instead of running for 3 min intervals I could only do 2 minute intervals. BUT AT LEAST I RAN.

I am determined to stay in my calorie range for the first time in a week.
I will bust through this plateau and I will continue.

I am so happy with the person I am becoming.
I am celebrating who I am now.
As I've shared in a previous blog, I am at my "starting weight" that I was at the first time I was successful with losing weight.

This time around, I am being a lot more careful with what I decide to clothe myself with. I've been doing some reading and I've developed a mild addiction to the show "What not to wear". What I love about that show is that they take ordinary people and dress them well and show them how they can be beautiful as they are right now. Old people, tall people, short people, fat people, everyone can look beautiful if you clothe yourself with things that flatter you and that fit. I am learning about what is flattering to my body shape and taking risks--trying new things (like skirts and dresses).

So, this time around I am taking chances with my wardrobe: Skirts to the knee instead of to the ankle. Pencil skirts instead of billowy peasant skirts. Belts at the ribcage to define a waist instead of long flowy things that make you look huge.

So easy to hide yourself and your body behind shapeless clothes but I'm learning that big clothes makes you look bigger.
I bought I top that is a size 14! That is victory because I used to wear a a 2X. It's tighter than I'm used to wearing but it's the proper fit and I got so many compliments.

Someone told me that I look thinner than I've ever been and it makes me laugh because I am actually about 45 pounds away from my thinnest ever, but because I am wearing things that fit and flatter I look thinner.

So even though I am disappointed with my behaviour this week I am giving myself grace and deciding to change. I am being kind to myself now.
In the past I would have worn old shapeless clothes because I don't "deserve" to spend money on myself if I am just going to be out of the size soon anyway.

I am investing in nice belts until it's really clear that my pants won't do anymore. I am drying my pants in the dryer instead of hanging them. I am buying jackets that just barely fit but still close so that they will do for now and later.
I will buy things that I love and wear them alot so that when they don't fit anymore I can happily say goodbye to them and embrace something new. But I buy things that fit NOW not 10 pounds from now.

Having clothes that don't fit just makes you feel defeated, plus you are not embracing yourself NOW. If your goal is to "fit back into that ____" and you lose 30 pounds and that ________ still doesn't fit, how does that make you feel? You are measuring your success by the wrong standard. Sometimes that ___won't ever fit again because when you grow older and have a few kids, your body changes. My ribcage got bigger after my kids. I am broader in the shoulders now than when I was 20. When you start going through menopause, many people get a bigger gut and their breasts increase again.

Your body redistributes its fat so 40 year old you at a certain weight won't fit into the same clothes that 30 year old you wore when you were that same weight.
Of course, it is fun to find things that used to not fit and now they do.
But I don't buy things that don't fit as incentive. It's self destructive.

Hope everyone is having a great week.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Good shopping for the smaller size!! Thrift stores have great bargains these days and some good fines, you might want to shop their and explore their findings since you are still transitioning into your final size.
    2065 days ago
  • XRSIZE18
    You are so right. It's easy to have that mentality that you should hide your "flaws" instead of showcasing your beautiful curves. Women don't realize that adding bulk to bulk just creates a bigger bulk!

    My friend told me this weekend that she couldn't believe it when she saw my before and after photos because, to her, I'd always been the size I am now. She said it was because I knew how to dress for my figure. But the truth is, I FEEL so much better now - regardless of how I look.

    I'm glad you're giving yourself grace - ESPECIALLY since it was your birthday week. I hope those sugar cravings go away soon!
    2068 days ago
  • OPTIMIST1948
    Can you come shop with me?

    It seems like alot of my friends lately are posting on my same woes: outgrown (terrible word, must find another) old clothes and must purchase more. Your blog is the sanest, most hopeful piece I've read about this particular stage of our collective weightloss journey.

    I've always hated shopping, and perhaps it was because it forced me to confront my growing girth. I've never been confident about fashion in general. Your blog gives me hope. (Now I just need to find the time!)

    I know you went through a sucky period with your dad, and I'm happy he is ok.
    2070 days ago
    I loved this blog. Usually I'm pretty good about limited sweets. I just can't imagine "banishing" any food from my life. Alas, today I ate three frosted brownies. I'm working hard at following my own advice and not beating myself up over it. I enjoyed them. A Lot.

    I have a swim lesson scheduled tonight, so I'll work really hard during my 45 minute lesson and I will try to do another 15 minutes extra after. It won't "un-do" those three brownies, but being the good Catholic girl, I'll feel like I did my penance, sin no more and avoid all near occasion of sin.

    I totally agree with you about buying clothes that fit NOW and look good NOW. I figured that out about 6 or 7 years ago. Clothes that fit well make you appear as if you lost weight because the buttons aren't pulling and the waist band isn't straining. And when you choose clothes that are cut to accentuate your figure, you truly do pull the eye away from your flaws and to your better assets.

    Finally - I'm so happy that you have good news about your father.
    2070 days ago
    Whenever I go clothes shopping, I pretend Stacy and Clinton are beside me telling me to put the hanger back down, or to pick something that fits me better!
    2070 days ago
    i know just what you mean about the flowy clothes that billow around you and the long skirts instead of the skirts at the knee - that's just what i have slowly but surely been weeding out of my closet. can't stand putting them on anymore... time for the new us instead! emoticon
    2070 days ago
    What a great realization that clothes can make such a a difference!! Sounds like you are making great choices and are on the right track. emoticon
    2070 days ago
    emoticon on realizing the old habits were creeping back in and tackling them. What an absolute relief to learn that your father is okay.

    I don't even have SparkPeople announce my weight losses (at least, I'm pretty sure I have it turned off) because I weight daily and with all the regular ups and downs it would be saying I lost a pound or two way too often.
    2070 days ago
    Glad you are feeling "back on track". I enjoyed what you had to say about the clothes. I am still trying to get away with wearing things that are now WAY too big on me and I'm starting to feel more than just a bit ridiculous. So thank you, maybe this will be the kick in the behind I need. emoticon
    2070 days ago
    Congratulations ! I am looking forward to wearing a 14.
    2070 days ago
    It takes a lot more willpower to live with junk food and not go ballistic, than it does to just banish it altogether, so despite occasional slip-ups, you must be very strong.
    I love WNTW, too. It's on during what was once my normal gym time. Did you see the one where the woman walked out in the middle of the wardrobe "dissection?" Even if I felt insulted or embarrassed, I'd still stick it out for all the free stuff, lol! Good for you for taking more risks with your clothing. Those two really do give good advice.
    2070 days ago
  • JCKC77
    Sounds like you have a lot to be proud of. You have to give yourself a break when you have a few crazy eating days. After all your birthday only is once a year and you should be able to celebrate it. A piece of cake or glass of wine is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I have been living day by day with the motto to make more good decisions than bad. I ate a cookie but got all my water in I count as a victory for the day. A little cheating I think does help because you are not depriving yourself of the things you love which may keep you from really over doing it if you were to deprive yourself. Keep up the good work.
    2070 days ago
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