You'd think by now I'd get tired of starting over but obviously I must enjoy it. On Sunday, I walked 2.5 miles on the boardwalk. It was a slow pace but I did it. Afterwards, we stopped at a pizza place that had a slogan 'home of the big slice.' We compared the size of the slice by putting it next to my 2-1/2 year old nephew.
Yup, I had an entire slice. I wonder how many WW points that had?
Then as I looked through the photos that we took, I was disappointed in the photo of myself. As you know, I'm not one to have pictures taken of myself, but since the Lupus walk was for me, I guess I should be in at least one of the photos. I was mortified, to say the least. I was actually bigger than I was last year at the same time. How can this be? I've really struggled this past year but I've definitely changed my eating habits and added more exercise. My lab work shows the results. My cholesterol and triglycerides are normal for the first time in years. That's proof of my hard work and dedication!
On Tuesday, I had an appointment with the nutritionist. When I got on her scale, it read 2 lbs more than what I weighed at my WW meeting on Saturday.
Could I have possible gained back the weight that I've struggled to lose for months in just one weekend? Maybe my son's birthday cake had something to do with it. I ate more than my fair share.
So this morning I sit here contemplating my next move. I'm having a serious discussion with myself. I'm not happy and I have to find a way to deal with this weight and the toll it's taking on my emotions.
I've already decided not to continue weight watchers and to cancel my Y membership. I'm spending $125 a month on weight loss solutions and I'm not even sure what the problem is. I have to dig deeper and find the root of my problem before I continue wasting money on my weight loss journey. I hope this is the right move. I'd hate to look back a year from now and be even bigger than I am now.
I've cleaned up my home gym...again, I'll be working closely with my nutritionist, and of course I'll continue to spark. I'm going to embark on a more spiritual journey and see where that leads me.
This morning as I think about the ice cream that I binged on late last night, I'm digging through my bookshelf and dusting off some of my old companions:
The Practical Encyclopedia of Feng Shui.
My 'Excuses Begone!' cd collection by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer that my oldest son was wise enough to give me.
I also have another cd set by Tony Robbins that my sister-in-law gave to me. (I guess my loved ones around me also see my struggles and can feel my pain.)
My therapist once told me that it must be lonely inside my head being my own cheerleader.
You know what? She's right. But if I don't cheer myself on, who else will? I do have support of my family and spark friends, but it's important to be the lead cheerleader in my own life, don't you think? That's why I got rid of that therapist. She wasn't the best for me. I got a new one but I haven't been in to see her in over a year. I might give her a call. She might be able to give me some insight on why I don't feel worthy of losing weight. Am I hiding in my own body? If so...why?
Today, I've got the pool guy coming to open my pool. I'll be working on my arms this morning cause I got LOTS of leaves to scoop out before he shows up.
I've also got lots of yard work to do. Scrubbing the tables and chairs clean because I didn't have the good sense to cover them during the winter. My M-I-L already called and said she was grilling some ribs this holiday weekend. Gulp. My nutritionist has mentioned to me how full of fat ribs are. So, I'm going to work on a healthy meal plan for Memorial Day. Lean center cut pork chops should work as an even trade off. My mom already mentioned that she's making potato salad. Ugh! There's no substituting that. And there's no way I'm passing it over. But it won't be hard for me to fill up on fruits, salads and veggies.
Time to get started on my day. Have a great one everybody!