If Today Was Your Last Day
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
That is the title of one of my favorite songs, but also something I've been thinking about.
I had the pleasure of meeting one of my Spark friends yesterday, CJRomb. She and I are Facebook friends as well, and are in several of the same FB groups together, along with my husband. We've all gotten close (as close as people who've never met can get) so, yesterday, since she was passing through on her way back from Wisconsin,we made arrangements to meet her in a nearby town. After five years of "knowing" her, it was so nice to finally meet her in person.
Anyway, I tend to get nervous before social situations, and yesterday afternoon was no exception. But I realized that, meeting her was something I'd wanted to do for a very long time, something that I would regret missing.....something that would be on my bucket list if I had one.
When I last blogged, I was waiting to get the MRI done. It showed some kind of mass, either a stone or a polyp. The specialist sent me to Northwestern, downtown Chicago, to have something called an endoscopic ultrasound done. It turns out, there is no stone or polyp, but the tail of my pancreas is significantly diseased, and one of the drains was blocked. The good news is, the head looks perfect. The doctor gave me several options, but the only one that makes sense is to have part of my pancreas removed. He said he is fairly sure there is no cancer, but it's so bad he can't say for certain, and removal would eliminate that doubt. We met with the surgeon last week, and it seems, since the pancreas and spleen share a vascular system, I have to have my spleen removed as well. If we don't, apparently it will die from lack of blood. Surgery is scheduled for June 6th, and in the meantime, I get to eat solid food! I have to eat EXTRA lowfat, but I can't express how happy I am to be able to chew again! And so far so good on the pain scale. I haven't had to take a pain pill in a week! And now that I've upped my calories, I'm gaining strength. Yoga, light gardening, and easy walking are my pre-op goals. I'm also working on my breathing again, because, though I am doing fairly well, I can't help but have moments of panic. I'm losing organs at an alarming rate!!
So anyway, while I was waiting to meet up with CJ, I started thinking about that bucket list idea and I realized that I couldn't think of a single thing to put on there. I've got a fabulous relationship with a wonderful man, a kind, beautiful daugher, the love and support from countless friends and family, a fulfilling career, and a roof over my head on land I love. I have it all. If today was my last day, I can't think of anything that I'd regret not doing. Nothing momentus anyway.