Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I know I usually write my weekly entry on Sunday or Monday, but I just didn't have the "oomph" in me then to do so. Once I got my sails straightened, I am doing much better. I went through a wicked rough patch last week and it took me a few days to come back into it 100%. I believe I am okay now though! I've found my Spark again. It was buried under all of the food wrapper garbage next to my bed...(ha)
I never understand why I derail myself. Binging is NEVER satisfying anymore. In the past, on "diets" before I found SP, binging was wonderful. I loved the food, tasting the food, smelling the food, it was so satisfying. Now, it is pure guilt and an "Oh, no what have you done!" feeling. It doesn't even taste good past the first bite. And the next morning....wow. Not a good feeling. I know I've done wrong and now have to climb out. In the past (on those "diets"), I would have just given up then and there and stay in the hole. No need for the hard work of climbing out, so why grieve over it? I made it easy on myself to FAIL back then. Now I know better and binging is never worth the work. I will never give up again. EVER.
I went from 201 to 214 pounds in 8 days....Eeek. I know at least 1/3 of it is water weight from grossly overeating, but it shocked me to see that number. I was ONE measly pound from reaching my first long-term goal a month early. Now, look where I am. Damn. I know I will still reach goal in time, but the self-sabotage is brutal. I was comfortable in knowing I was so early, so I thought one day of overeating wouldn't matter....Which led to another, and another, and another...Until a whole week and then some went by and I slipped and slid into a dark hole very fast. It was hard to climb out, but I am here now, so that's what counts! I've been going pretty strong this week. I took a sneak peek on the scale this morning and saw I already dropped to 211 lbs. half way through the week. At least I am going in the right direction now. I was slightly panicked. Okay, I was just plain panicked!
I also added a new component. Fatloser.com. Someone mentioned it on the message boards here on SP about how to become and remain motivated. It is a free 21 day "program" where you receive a 10-15 minute video each day from a toughness trainer basically kicking you in the behind to stay on track. I am on Day 2 of it and I like it so far. It's not so much a program, I would say...Just a check-in everyday where you listen to a topic of how to stay motivated in weight loss/fitness. The guy is brutally honest, just to be warned. It's a mental toughness "course". After each day, you do three homework questions about the day's video and lessons too.
Well, that about sums up the week. I'll post back on Sunday with details of the weigh-in! I hope to shed a lot of this weight gain...