So long now.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
I've wanted to get healthier for so long now that if I actually did anything about it Iíd probably be at my goal weight already. Let me start off by saying my 30th birthday is less than a month away. Thirty years. Three O. The dirty thirtyÖ If it isnít bad enough saying goodbye to my 20ís, I will be saying hello to my 30ís the complete opposite way I wanted to. Overweight and unhappy. Fat faced and cankles. I almost donít want to celebrate my day (although, I do. I want to be alive and alert and well and surrounded by the ones I love) But I sure as heck don't want to see any pictures of me and my friends/family celebrating and think "wow, look how fat I am". This time last year I told myself I wouldnít be celebrating my big 3-0 well, big. But somehow here I am.
Instead of working to be a slimmer me by 30 I ignored eating healthy and exercise altogether. I would tell you my excuses for not doing anything but to me they weren't excuses. They were legitimate reasons. It was more often than not that I'd get home too late from work and had other things to worry about - (I work about 45-60 mins away from home which puts me in the driveway around 7) or I just didn't have the energy or desire to exercise. Pretty dumb reasoning, huh?
Almost every night as I lay in bed, I would give myself a prep talk "Tomorrow, I will get up a little earlier and begin exercising. Even if I just start with 10 minutes, Iíll at least be starting. Yes! Tomorrow I will do it!!" The following morning arrived and as usual I hit the snooze as many times as possible until I absolutely had to get up. This left me with barely enough time to get ready for work and head out the door. Being in a hurry 8 times out of 10, I wouldn't eat breakfast at home which would then leave me stopping at a fast food place on my way into work.
Now it wasnít always fast food. But when it was I would just tell myself it was OK to have fried food for breakfast. After all "it's just today" but these one time trips were happening 2, 3+ times a week. Sometimes I would be in the drive thru for breakfast AND lunch. I never had to get out of my car for my meals. Talk about convenience. Talk about laziness. Talk about depressing. There I was. Alone. In my car. Eating greasy, fried food and pretending it wasn't a big deal. One more ranch covered chicken finger away from a heart attack.
But no more. I don't want to be the fast food junkie girl. I want to look AND feel better. I want to be healthier and set a better example for my daughter. I definitely don't want her eating fast food regularly, let alone every day! I need to stop being the enabler. For myself, for my boyfriend and for her.